Secondary Trauma

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 (ESC)

Placing ourselves on society’s frontline means we become trauma sponges. We run toward danger without an expectation of thanks, but we never expected the toll it would take on our lives.

To remain on the job, we learn to process, cope or suppress the trauma. Being an active participant in resolving the traumatic scenario is helpful to a degree for the hero. Our spouses don’t have that same opportunity.

It’s easy for them to take on secondary trauma. I used to tell Leah details of everything from murders to adversarial city council meetings. I didn’t realize the damage it was causing her. I was actively engaged in the conflict, so at the very least, I was able to process the threats through action.

Leah was trapped with only the information I shared and no way to process it. You may have found yourself in that same situation with your venting causing your spouse harm long after you’ve hopped to the next radio call for service.

It’s important that when we open up to our spouse, we also allow them the time to process it and then discuss it or ask questions to gain a better understanding of what it was that you experienced, and how it was resolved.

CALL TO ACTION:

Before sharing or venting about what happened on duty, promise your spouse that after you say whatever’s on your heart, you will wait and hear what’s on theirs. And, while your spouse is responding to your emotional unload, promise not to interfere, correct, or criticize them.