Husband and Wife's Call to Unity

By Regan & Kiana Hershey

“’For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”—Ephesians 5:31–32 (NKJV)

Charles Spurgeon once said, “Unity, mark you for that is the essence of the marriage-bond. We are one with Christ, who made Himself one with His people.” Marriage is a gift in so many ways. God gives us the opportunity to find a lifelong partner to connect with spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically on a daily basis. Two lives become one as you invest in knowing each other and God more intimately. You and your spouse get to create a life together, choice by choice, as a team! The joys and challenges of marriage are learned as you go, together with the Lord, with the goal of bringing two individuals into unification.

God desires for spouses to be unified in their marriage. He tells us in His Word the two shall become one. This is not simply calling husbands and wives to be intimate physically. Biblical unification is a call for husbands and wives to consider and operate as one in all things. This heart posture helps each spouse to consider how their own actions, words, and thoughts will affect the other and strives for honoring them in all situations.

Unity is an essential principle of marriage. What does a unified marriage look like? And how can you tell if your marriage is unified? There’s a certain harmony and investment that comes with unity. Unification comes with purposeful moments of connection. 

Husbands and wives must choose to sit together, uninterrupted, and fellowship with one another and God. Choosing to pray together every day will bring your spouse into knowing the best and worst parts of your days, open their eyes to seeing you as a child of God speaking to their Father, and creates space for you to pray for and over one another. Uninterrupted fellowship provides you both with the chance to share and receive, sort through personal thoughts and fears, communicate and feel one another's joys and disappointments, catch up on day-to-day experiences, and grow in understanding of one another. 

Take this uninterrupted time to the next level by reading the Word and praying together, which are two of the most formative spiritual disciplines. Since you are one, partaking in those two disciplines together will only bring you closer to the Lord as you learn His voice and integrate Him more and more into your life.  

A marriage is not meant to be lived out individually. As husbands and wives, we are called to do away with mindsets and attitudes that only consider ourselves. Instead of putting one’s own needs and desires to be happy and satisfied first, as a spouse, we are called to be happy and filled with joy when our spouse is. Inversely, we’re called to sympathize and mourn along with our spouse. Unification of emotions doesn’t mean we alter our emotions, but seek to understand and sympathize with theirs. 

If you and your spouse love the Lord, then you have a secret weapon for unification: Jesus Christ and the gospel! Whatever is causing tension between the two of you, no matter how bad your day is, regardless of the disagreement, remember that you both agree on the gospel and Jesus. This should be your anchor and constant compass. There’s nothing more important to agree on. Keep your faith as the most important thing and let all other disagreements and arguments fade away! Jesus and the gospel is the starting point for unification and the most secure place to fasten your marriage to. 

Pause: Consider the concept of unity in your own marriage. Do you often find yourself trying to operate as an individual, or do you consider your spouse in every decision, whether big or small, throughout your day?

Practice: For the next week, make it a point to pray together at least once a day. Before you start, ask one another how you can pray for them. When you pray, pray specifically for your marriage and for one another’s prayer requests. 

Pray: Jesus, thank You that You created emotions, and that they are an opportunity for us to be drawn closer to You and our spouse. Help us to celebrate together, mourn together, and to share more openly with one another. Remind us that our time in prayer and in the Word is sacred. Help us create a healthy habit of meeting with You daily. Teach us how to be unified just as You are unified with the Father and the Holy Spirit. May we look to You as our example of oneness. Amen.