Husband’s Call to Love His Wife, Part 2

By Regan & Kiana Hershey

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.”—Ephesians 5:28–30 (NKJV)

The 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics came and went, and like many, I couldn’t help but be amazed by the athletes dedication to their craft. They train for years—many of them their entire lives—for this moment. They spend countless hours in the gym every day, have every single meal of their diet carefully planned out, and sacrifice so much all in an effort to achieve one goal: being a gold medalist. 

Now those are some people who truly love their bodies. Obviously, not all of us are Olympic athletes, or athletes at all, but like today’s passage says, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” 

What constitutes our “own flesh?” The answer to this question comes from Genesis 2, which showcases the first marriage to every exist: Adam and Eve’s. God took a rib from Adam and created Eve. Adam says, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:23 NKJV). And the very next verse brings all the ideas together: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NIV). This concept, of being one flesh, must motivate all of the husband’s behavior and thinking in the marriage relationship. 

Going back to Ephesians 5:28, which says, “He who loves his wife loves himself.” When a husband loves his wife well, he himself will benefit. When she feels loved, she will find it easier to respect him, and he will feel loved and find it easier to love her, and so the circle begins. 

Martin Lloyd-Jones writes, “The whole of the husband’s thinking must include his wife also. He must never think of himself in isolation or detachment. The moment he does, he has broken the most fundamental principle of marriage, because the wife is part of himself.”

So, here is the fundamental question we must answer. If the wife is part of the husband, spiritually and physically knit together as one, how should the husband treat himself (the wife)? Thankfully the Bible gives us a pretty clear answer: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12 NIV). If there is any verse that fully encapsulates the marriage relationship, it is this.

Pause: Do you approach every day through the lens of being one with your spouse? Consider how you both can maintain your unique qualities, personalities, interests, and characteristics while still being one flesh and unit? 

Practice: Read Matthew 7:12 a few times until you have it memorized (if you don’t already). In every interaction with your spouse today, quickly think through that verse and respond according to how you wish your spouse would treat you.

Pray: Lord, teach me to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Help me to treat my spouse the way I wish to be treated. I invite Your Holy Spirit to come and refine me. May my attitude and speech reflect the fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Guide me in how to consider my spouse as myself, and help me to care for them as I would myself. Help me to see little ways I can love them and make them feel a part of me. Amen.