Social Justice

How to Talk to Your Teens About Racism

Social justice is a polarizing buzzword that can turn the most well-intentioned family gatherings into WWE but today’s teens are deeply passionate about it. Generally speaking, teens view social justice as simply wanting all people to be fairly treated in society. I know, I know. We all have very different ideas about how that should be accomplished. This is a teaching moment to engage in civil dialogue, even about things on which you may disagree. The first step is listening and seeking to understand the heart of your teen.

Nowhere has dialogue on social justice been more prominent than conversations surrounding race. The word racism stirs deeply felt emotion. It’s difficult to discuss, but our teens are not only having conversations, they’re engaging in self-reflection and open dialogue. We can learn from their compassionate strength with a gentle reminder from 1 Timothy 4:12: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

Listen, I am not a racial relations expert. I’m a nurse who deeply cares about the well-being of all children. I’m a professor who wants to support my students. I’m a Christian who believes every person is beautifully created in the image of God. I’m a White woman, sharing my perspective through that lens. Most of all, I’m a parent, just like you, trying my best to lead conversations with my teens.

Recently, I had an unexpectedly emotional encounter. When meeting a student, I noticed her stated name didn’t match her name of record. I asked for clarification. She said her real name was difficult to pronounce, and people started using a nickname for her, so she went with it. I asked her to teach me how to say her real name. It took me a couple of tries, but I got it. She was teary. I was stunned. When we dismiss someone’s name as too hard to say, we unintentionally communicate they need to conform to our culture for our comfort.

In an increasingly diverse society, Gen Z is emerging as the most racially diverse generation, where almost half identify as diverse or biracial. Today’s teens are especially perceptive of microaggressions, that is, subtle comments that convey explicit or implicit bias. Common questions or comments to teens with different skin color received as off-putting include the following: “Where are you from?” “What are you exactly?” “You speak good English.” “You’re a credit to your race.” Teens overwhelmingly report more blatant personal experiences. Teens also witness racism vicariously by sharing experiences through social media and news reports. These are deeply upsetting to many teens, along with the distress caused by heated conversations among peers, online, or in person.

If this isn’t something you’ve had a meaningful conversation about with your teen before, you may be genuinely surprised to hear their feelings and experiences. This is a hard topic to bring up at the dinner table. Imagine your teen saying over a bite of green beans, “Hey, everybody, I’d like to share my deepest thoughts about racism.” Not happening. But if we don’t frame these conversations, other forces will. People are genuinely afraid of saying the wrong thing. A good strategy is to listen more than you talk and to keep an open mind and heart. If you don’t agree on something with your teen, look past the details and ask yourself, “Where is their heart on this?” Can you find a starting space of agreement and empathy there?

Maybe this is a painful topic for you. If you are a person of color and have personally experienced racism, my heart hurts with you. I sincerely thank you for every courteous conversation you’ve had to share your experience and perspective, even perhaps at great personal cost.

Maybe you don’t want to have these conversations. You fear saying something insensitive and resent being labeled as “racist” when that’s not your heart or intent. Listen to your teen with empathy. Avoid interruption or domination of the conversation. Reflect back your understanding, demonstrating acceptance if someone is not ready to share their experiences. Building trust takes time. Be honest and open about your thoughts, presenting them in a considerate way. Learn to sit comfortably in uncomfortable spaces.

At the heart of the matter, racism is not a social issue as much as it is a spiritual issue. We are all created in God’s image and He sent His Son not just for one people group, but for everyone. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is for all people. Regardless of race or ethnicity or place of birth, Jesus died for all and Jesus commanded us to tell all nations.

John tells us in Revelation 7:9, “After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb.”

One day we will worship before God’s throne as one with every nation, tribe, people, and language.

Respond

Have you or your teen witnessed racism? Explain.

How did you respond?

Have you discussed racism with your teen? Paraphrase the conversation.

Prayer

Glorious Savior, help me lead my teenager to love others the way You love us.

Was this Plan helpful? We adapted this Plan from the book Behind Closed Doors: A Guide to Help Parents and Teens Navigate Through Life's Toughest Issuesby Jessica L. Peck, a pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four teens. Check it out for more.