Substance Abuse

How to Accept Truth with Grace and Courage

Substance abuse is so much more than getting high. It’s a symptom of a much more complex and intricate working of the developing teen brain. Using substances is a way to escape that which feels insurmountable, a way to get through one more day and avoid emotional pain, even if only for a few hours.

You see all kinds of teenagers from all walks of life engaging in substance abuse: athletes, band kids, cheerleaders, church kids, and valedictorians. Teens lack coping skills or social support to navigate the crushing pressures of expectations. Substance abuse is easily hidden in families for generations in a cloak of secrecy and a culture of silence.

Looking from the outside, I had an idyllic childhood. My parents were high school sweethearts, and they married right out of high school and had five children, with my being the oldest. As children we were well-mannered, well-dressed, and well-spoken. We were in church literally every time the doors were open. We climbed atop a pedestal to be admired by all, an unsustainable ideal. In that prism of perfection, addiction did not spare our family. Addiction runs dark and deep, like a strangling vine winding through our family tree, something I discovered in a genomics course during my master’s work. The dangerous combination of bearing the unrelenting burden of propping up our pedestal, our family history, and our home’s culture of silence on real issues collided with easy access through friends to substances that gave my brother temporary relief from his pain. As a teen, he may have used substances on Saturday, but he was in church on Sunday without fail. We all knew, but no one ever said a word. If he came home drunk, it was nice to see him so “happy,” my parents said. On rare occasions when he was caught, my dad would give a halfhearted “don’t embarrass us” speech with the unspoken agreement being continued silence.

The decision of going to rehab in his thirties was fraught with parental hand-wringing over people knowing. “What would people say?” “Wouldn’t we be ashamed?” The answer is unequivocally no! My brother found freedom and joy in sharing his testimony from death to life. We should all be so bold. God is doing something new in his life. It’s not perfect, but it is divine. Through his courage, relationships with my siblings are being mended as we’ve found strength and liberty in disclosing and forgiving imperfections. I sincerely pray it will inspire others struggling in the mirage to do the same. I share this story with my brother’s permission and blessing, but he is not alone in my family.

A substance is anything that alters your mood or thoughts. This includes alcohol, nicotine, prescriptions, marijuana, and illicit drugs such as cocaine and heroin. People experiment with substances to deal with social pressure, life transitions, and stress or to dull physical or emotional pain. As parents, we often react to the action of using without considering the pain that drives teens to use.

Addiction doesn’t happen overnight. It starts with substance mis-use (not following instructions for prescriptions or over-the-counter medications). Maybe it’s taking an extra pain pill if the recommended dose isn’t working, or taking an extra pill for attention deficit because it suppresses your appetite. The key is there is no intent to get high. No one says, “Hey, I think I’ll take a step on the road to addiction today!”

If your teen is struggling with addiction, know that God matched you perfectly as a parent for such a time as this. Seek counseling for support in this journey. God is a perfect Father to us, but we are not perfect children. We are imperfect parents with imperfect children. Meet your teen with empathy and compassion while maintaining safe boundaries.

This is a subject for which there is great pain. I know all too well the crushing discouragement that comes from years of unanswered prayers. I know the pain that accompanies abuse in the form of codependency, triangulation, narcissism, and physical, psychological, and emotional abuse. I know the emotional energy and expense the drama of addiction can eviscerate. If you’re living that, you need counseling for healing and healthy boundaries. This was essential for me when I was struggling to help loved ones through addiction. The good news is substance abuse is not an inevitable choice. If this is your teen, celebrate their choice.

The battle seeking victory over addiction is a giant. It seems impossible, but God loves nothing more than to work in the impossible.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)

You may be in that period of trial. Maybe it’s forty days, forty months, or even forty years. Prepare your heart for what the Lord can do. Victory is yours through Jesus Christ.

Respond

Share any experience you or a family member have had with substance abuse.

How did you deal with the problem? Did you look to Jesus for help? What happened?

Prayer

Lord and Savior, I know that with You all things are possible. Help me help those in my life suffering with substance abuse. Open the door for me to share You!