Cyberbullying

How to Create a Safe Space in an Unsafe World

At some point when you were growing up, you probably experienced some sort of bullying. As embarrassing as this is to share, I remember being in eighth grade and being called RBB for the entire year. I had no idea what that meant, but I knew everyone was laughing except me. I finally overheard a conversation revealing their secret joke. Road Block Butt. I was mortified. Truthfully, I wanted to die. Looking back now, with adult perspective, I can see this seems mild, but it was nonetheless traumatic to me at the time.

Here’s the thing though, my boomer, Gen X, and millennial friends, at least we had some sort of safe space where we could lock ourselves away from this kind of exposure and treatment. Maybe that was home, summer camp, or even grandma’s house—somewhere you didn’t have to worry about Big Mike beating you up behind the school or Mean Jean eviscerating your outfit. Out of sight, out of mind. Today, things are different. Your teen may not even know their bully because they hide in online profiles. The largest audience for bullying used to be the school cafeteria, but now humiliation easily goes viral for audiences of millions. As parents, our hearts are sick with dread thinking about the ways school has changed since we were there. We get anxiety over lockdown drills and school shootings, but there is a weapon in the school environment daily carried in the pocket or backpack of nearly every student that is far more dangerous and deadly: the smartphone.

Today’s teens face bullying 24/7 in online forums. You might be thinking, But my teen doesn’t have a smartphone or social media. Parents, it doesn’t matter. Teens shoulder surf constantly, looking at screens of friends. They can still be bullied online, and those pictures or comments can pop up at any time in any place in their social circles. There is no escape. The slam books of yesteryear are now online anonymous forums. There are social media sites dedicated to albums of unflattering photos. Your teen has absolutely no control over other people taking photos and is constantly at the mercy of a renegade paparazzi ready to post with enthusiastic onlookers, influencers, keyboard warriors, and trolls. That’s a lot of pressure.

Cyberbullying occurs online through computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices. It’s a critical health concern among teens with significant connection to physical, emotional, social, and psychological health concerns. The best definition includes the following elements: willful (deliberate, not accidental), repeated (a pattern of behavior, not an isolated incident), and harmful (as perceived by the victim). Basically, it’s using electronic means and forums to harass peers.

Cyberbullying is common and makes it difficult to learn or feel safe at school. It overwhelmingly impacts self-esteem and friendships. When you think about in-person bullying, you can usually imagine a physical power differential such as size or stature. This is where bullying has changed, and we need a new mind-set.

Although it’s wise to advise ignoring minor teasing, insults, and name-calling, repeated digital aggression won’t go away. Parents struggle with how to enter this space, and police are hesitant to criminalize teens. Teen social problems usually need social solutions. If the offense is serious or repeated, escalate to law enforcement. The bottom line is that teens need to feel comfortable talking to adults while feeling confident that meaningful steps will be taken to keep them safe. The best possible thing you can do is to promote safety and give emotional support.

Words hurt deeply. Think for a moment about the meanest thing someone ever said to you. It might be your parent, someone in school, your spouse, or maybe even your teen. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed. You can go back easily and play those words on the movie in your mind with immediate emotion. When you recognize that emotion, hear your body’s cue telling you to recircuit your response. How do you do that to be a healthy model for your teen?

In Genesis, Joseph experienced the power of words when his brothers expressed hatred toward him and sold him into slavery. Joseph could have sought revenge, but instead he realized “But God.” Two very powerful words.

Joseph relied on a power greater than himself, saying:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Genesis 50:20)

All ages are susceptible to bullying, when you or a loved one feel the emotional pull that wants to trample you and re-wound you with those evil words, say to yourself “But God meant it for good” and He loves you!

Respond

Has your teen been bullied/cyberbullied? Explain.

What was your response?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, help me know how to protect my child from bullying and how to show Your love in responding to it.