Our Keys to Healthier Communication in MarriageНамуна

NEVER MAKE THE ISSUE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MARRIAGE

David: When Tam and I first got married, we both agreed that, for us, divorce would not be an option. We committed to staying together through it all and sticking with each other during the difficult moments. We clearly understand that some marriages end in divorce, but we also understand that every disagreement does not have to result in divorce. 

I never liked the idea of using divorce as an ultimatum during an argument. In my opinion, that isn’t healthy. Ultimatums produce fear. Ultimatums can compromise your ability to be honest with one another. Our argument was about tuna – it wasn’t about filing for divorce – but when we make our arguments more important than the marriage, we forget why we got married in the first place. 

A bad day doesn’t mean a bad marriage. All marriages have bad days. So I’ve learned to say, “Yes, Tam, this or that bothered me, but I’m not leaving you.” 

“Yes, you hurt my feelings, but we are in this together.” 

“Yes, I may need a minute to get myself together, but I’m not going to allow the Enemy to make you think I don’t love you.” 

My marriage is more important than winning an argument, so after we resolve the issue, I work hard to secure my spouse. Why? Because one bad day doesn’t have to turn into a bad life. 

DISCUSSION QUESTION

1.  Ask  yourself, how can I work with this issue to figure out how to make myself and my spouse happy?