Choosing Marriage: 7 Choices For Healthy RelationshipsНамуна

In Love or In Need: Choosing Fullness

Many people believe they have fallen in love, only to realize that their “love” is based on need—a need to be wanted, a need to be valued, a need to be affirmed. A need to be taken care of, to be nurtured, or to be kept safe. “Need love” drives you toward someone out of desperation, insecurities, and fear. It fools an empty person into thinking this relationship can somehow fill them up. But in the end, fulfillment never comes. In the end, their desperate need causes them to feel more and more depleted, and alone. 

Too many people get into marriage hoping it will complete them, only to be gravely disappointed in the end. Because while marriage can certainly add so much to your life, it will never be able to fill you up. You can only feel as complete in marriage as you do while standing alone. 

We’re all needy in some way. We long for approval, we desire affirmation, and we often aim to please others even at the expense of our values and beliefs. It’s a constant struggle to make sure we’re living for an “audience of one” (God), rather than living to simply please those around us. Part of this is the natural struggle of being human and being created for relationships. We’re all needy in some way, because we’re ultimately in need of a Savior. A Savior who can bind up our wounds, speak value and worth into our lives, and fill us to overflowing with His love. Marriage can’t fill us to overflowing, only Jesus can. 

When Christ’s love fills you to the measure of all the fullness of God, your fullness begins to overflow in the lives of those around you. There is no greater joy than giving and receiving love out of our overflow, rather than trying to give love out of our scarcity. Going into marriage with a full heart gives us the opportunity to experience the ecstasy of real love. How full are you feeling today?

Question for Reflection: Have I allowed the knowledge and understanding of God’s love to “fill me up”? On a scale of 1-10, how full do I feel emotionally? Spiritually? Relationally? 

Today’s Prayer: Jesus, I want to be filled to overflowing. I want to know and experience the fullness of Your love for me in a way that impacts how I love others. Fill me up. Pour Your love over me today. Amen.

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These devotions were adapted from the book Choosing Marriage by licensed counselor Debra Fileta. Learn more about choosing WE > ME at http://bit.ly/ChoosingMarriage .