Choosing Marriage: 7 Choices For Healthy RelationshipsНамуна

Walls Will Fall: Choosing Vulnerability 

We all come to relationships with walls—barriers we’ve constructed that need to be broken or taken down. We’ve built walls to protect ourselves, to defend ourselves, and to keep from getting hurt. We use them to keep people at a distance, or even keep them out. We all have walls, we just don’t always recognize them. You might be reading this and wondering, What are my walls? Do I even have them? The answer is yes. 

Walls come in different forms, shapes, and sizes, but they always impact our closest relationships and the way we interact with the world around us. Maybe we’ve erected a wall of isolation by choosing to keep to ourselves instead of engaging with those we love. Maybe we've created a wall of denial by refusing to acknowledge our role and responsibility in a conflict. Or the wall of withdrawal, when we pull away and avoid rather than confront. Maybe it’s a wall of fantasy—an escape from reality instead of learning to deal with it in a healthy way. Maybe you're hiding behind a wall of invalidation and it’s easier to criticize and dismiss than it is to encourage and build up. Or maybe it’s a wall of rage—a use of anger and negative behaviors to keep people at bay. 

There are so many walls that we can build in life, in relationships, and in marriage. Walls that keep our relationships stagnant and our hearts distant. And the only way to break down these walls is to recognize them and begin to take them down one brick at a time using the tool of vulnerability: the invitation to let people in. There is so much power in using our words, our actions, and our interactions as opportunities to tear down walls we’ve erected and to begin connecting with the people around us. But in order to start taking down our walls, we have to recognize them. And in order to recognize them, we have to look for them. Because with the power and strength of our loving God at work within us, we can truly scale any wall. 

Question for Reflection: What “walls” have I built up in my life that have a negative impact on my personal relationships?

Today’s Prayer: Jesus, open my eyes to the walls I may have erected that keep me from loving others the way You call me to love. Amen.