Choosing Marriage: 7 Choices For Healthy RelationshipsНамуна

Sex Marks the Spot: Choosing Purity

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about sex is that people assume if they wait to have it until marriage, there is a guarantee that their sex life will be magical. We’re taught that virginity is the key to a fulfilling sex life come the wedding night. So we start believing that if we save ourselves for marriage, our wedding night will be filled with hours and hours of amazing sex. We imagine all the stars aligning in that perfect moment, our bodies naturally taking over, knowing exactly what to do. But when the moment comes, it’s never how we thought it would be. 

I hear from so many couples whose wedding night was filled with frustration, fears, and the shedding of a few tears. More concerning to me, are the couples I meet who find themselves disappointed in God because they saved sex for marriage only to have a frustrating experience. It’s as though God didn’t hold up His end of the bargain. 

But the problem with this entire belief system is that it’s rooted in a false claim. We don’t wait so that we can have an evening of ecstasy on our honeymoon night (because trust me, that’s rarely the case). We wait because through the process of waiting, our relationship is built, our trust is strengthened, and our commitment to each other is tried, tested, and refined. We wait because through the process of waiting we learn discipline, self-control, loyalty, and reverence for the sacred. 

We wait because it’s an act of worship and obedience to a God who knows exactly how we’re wired, what we need, and what is best for our lives. Our waiting is an act of trusting, and trusting God always leads us to greater things. 

We wait, not because of what it will do for us, but because of what it will do within us. You can’t establish a good sex life until you’ve first established good character. Achieving a good sex life is a process of becoming a better person as much as it is about becoming a better lover. And becoming a better person is always the best place to begin. 

Question for Reflection: Are there any aspects of my life or bad habits that I need to get rid of (pornography, toxic relationships, inappropriate romance novels, lustful thoughts, etc.) in order to move toward good character?

Today’s Prayer: Jesus, open my eyes to the habits and behaviors I’ve allowed into my life that are having a negative impact on my character. I commit to honoring You with every part of my body. Amen.