Faith Love ForgivenessChikamu

Honest Feelings

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:9 NLT

Forgiveness researcher Robert Enright says, “Forgiving begins with acknowledging that we are people who have a right to be treated with respect. Forgiving does not require denying that we have been hurt. On the contrary, to forgive we have to admit that we have been hurt and that we have a right to feel hurt, angry, or resentful. Forgiving does not require denying our feelings.” This is such a powerful quote because it validates our right to feel what we are feeling. When we acknowledge our wounds, we can better understand the emotions that are attached to our pain. In doing this, we are able to identify, with true honesty, what or who we need to forgive.

My grandmother used to say, “I wouldn’t sweep that under the rug . . . it might come back to bite you.” And I would now add, “If you sweep stuff under the rug long enough, eventually you’ll start tripping over it.” In my therapy sessions I might use different terminology, but I definitely affirm the intent of my grandmother’s wisdom. If we deny our hurt and push our feelings away where we don’t have to immediately deal with them, over time the hurt will accumulate.

God always wants us to be honest about our feelings. After all, He created us with a full spectrum of emotions. David reminds us in Psalm 139:4 that God already knows what is on our tongue before we speak it, which implies we are to be totally transparent with God. You can’t shock God, He knows everything. When we are able to admit our true feelings and process them with God—whether beginning a journey of forgiving ourselves or someone who has wronged us—that is when we are able to genuinely begin the healing process. Although God doesn’t always swoop in and rescue us when we are in the middle of our hurt and pain, He never leaves our side as we walk through it. We are never alone. The psalmist reminds us in Psalm 139:7–10 that there is nowhere we can go that God is not already there. God meets us where we are and will never leave us or forsake us.

My granddaughter was given an award at school with very poignant words written on the certificate: “Forgiveness: deciding that someone who has wronged you doesn’t have to pay.” Wow! What a fabulous award and one that took me by surprise, in the best of ways. Learning the value of forgiving someone who has wronged you at an early age helps grow a heart full of compassion and grace. Through Christ we can receive such an award. It is found in John 3:16 (NIV): “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Forgiveness is a day-by-day, sometimes a moment-by-moment, process with God.

SUSAN GOSS