Missional FriendshipSample

Day 5 - Building Friendship Through Being Real Instead of Being Right

The story is told of a pastor who visited the children’s ministry one Sunday and was invited to talk to the 3-to-5-year-olds. The children were all sitting in a semicircle around the pastor as he started his talk. He began with a question: “What is hairy with long arms, a long tail, that climbs trees and swings through the trees from branch to branch?”

The children sat staring at the pastor for a bit until one little girl raised her hand to answer. She said, “Pastor, I know the answer is Jesus, but it sounds like a monkey to me!”

In life, marriage, leadership, church and ministry, we figure out what the right answers are and we try to stick to them, even when it “sounds like a monkey to me.”

How many times have you been asked the question, “How are you doing?” And you answered, “Fine.” All the while, you were anything but fine. Fine is the right answer. But it isn’t the real answer.

I believe that we actually have to ask someone three times how they are doing. We have been so conditioned to not answer with awareness and in truth that we lie the first two times and only begin to answer honestly the third time!

We can live with a belief that we are supposed to have all the answers when we are leaders. We can live with the false belief that we are supposed to live perfectly in alignment with what we know and what we tell others. They are false beliefs that play into the hands of the evil one, who wants to isolate the leader and create loneliness and aloneness.

Life can be hard. Leadership is confusing and really hard. Important relationships face life-threatening challenges. We face temptations to take shortcuts. We face seasons where God seems distant. We can struggle to discern the voice of God in the midst of the myriad of voices shouting in our ears.

David and other psalmists lamented over the state of their lives and those around them. If you are looking for encouragement, you probably shouldn’t read the book of Ecclesiastes! The Wisdom Writer is decidedly pessimistic. Because that is part of real life.

True missional friendship embodies Paul’s words in Romans 12:15: “Weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice.” Authentic friendship is committed to being present in the moment with one another and being real with each other. Trusting the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives to hold us and guide us. Missional friends are not afraid of the real, because they know God resides in the real of our lives together.

Questions to Consider:

• What questions are you asked that you feel the need to be “right” in your answers, instead of honestly answering how things really are for you?
• When did you last have an honest conversation about the good, the bad, and the ugly of what was happening in your life?

Action to Take:

• The next time you are asked, “How are you doing?”, pause and answer more fully than “Fine.” When you ask someone how they are doing, create the space to listen to them and be curious about their response.

Prayer to Make:

• Ask God to reveal to you where you have been hiding from others and why you have been hiding. Pray for a leader that the Holy Spirit brings to your mind to grow in transparency and honesty with themselves and others.