Growing With By Kara Powell And Steven ArgueSample

Day Six

Be a Library

Scripture: James 1:5

One of the wise Growing With moms we met during our interviews painted a compelling vision for how she tries to grow with her maturing kids: “As my kids turn eighteen, I tell them, ‘You are an adult, you can start making your own decisions. I am here as support. I am here for direction. I am here as your library. But I want you to start making the decisions on your own.’”

As you reflect on your role in your child’s current life stage, what support can they “check out” from you that prepares them for their next stage? This doesn’t mean you have to know all the answers to your kids’ uncertainties about life and faith. Never underestimate the power of good questions in preparing our children for what lies ahead. For example, instead of offering your best advice to your teenager about taking public transportation to their doctor’s appointment or who to invite to prom, ask questions that enable them to figure it out themselves. Replace “how to” and “I think” statements with “how would you” and “I wonder” questions.

While it’s tempting to give your twenty-year-old your stellar guidance about how to find a church near their college or military base, instead ask them questions like, “How would you go about making a first step?” or “I wonder what you can do next to explore some possibilities?” 

One more thing to keep in mind: If your child is like most, there is one five-word phrase they hate: “When I was your age . . .” We parents use that expression to try to empathize with our kids, but given the cultural differences between today and when we were younger, those five words trigger warning signals in our kids. They think either we are trying too hard to relate (a cardinal sin few kids tolerate), or perhaps even worse, we are underestimating the differences between today and decades ago. 

Even though they don’t always show it, most of our kids are open to hearing about our past. Our task is to find the less obvious back door that opens up the right conversation at the right time. 

What is a decision, big or small, that your child is facing right now? What questions could you ask to help him or her make a wise decision? How can you help them learn to ask God for wisdom and experience his generous response?