Growing With By Kara Powell And Steven ArgueSample

Day Five

Leaving Your Comfort Zone

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5

In my (Steve’s) home, Jen and I have a sign that reminds all of us of one of our family mottos: “Tell me more.” Prior to adopting this motto, our typical conversation with our daughters went something like this:

“How was your cross-country meet?”

“Good.”

“Cool.”

That’s as far as we got. So we added a new follow-up question: “Oh yeah? Tell me more!” You’ll be amazed at how that phrase opens up deeper conversations with your child.

But what do you do if your growing adult just doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you at all? When parents ask me (Kara) what to do when their relationship with their teenager or young adult is rocky, my favorite answer is to share the story of Nora. The only time Nora’s seventeen-year-old Sam leaves his room other than for school is when he’s hungry. But when she tries to start up a conversation while Sam’s standing in front of the refrigerator or microwave, she’s greeted with one-syllable answers: “Fine,” “Nope,” or “Uh-uh.” Every time she offers to take him out for a meal or to do something fun, he refuses. 

But Sam does love going to movies. 

So Nora has become a student of film. She tracks movie release dates, visits movie websites, and has learned the fine nuances of various directors and actors. 

The only time Sam says yes to Nora’s invitations to do something with her is when she asks Sam to a movie. The round-trip conversation is Nora’s best window into her son’s life and heart. Because of this, Nora tries to pick theaters that are far away so they have more time in the car together. 

Nora doesn’t really like movies, but she likes her son. She is willing to leave the well-worn path of her own comfort to journey with her child. 

Whether your child lives across the hall or a plane trip away, we recommend building your relationship by starting with your child’s personality and preferences. The older your child, the more often you might need to offer activities as suggestions for how your family can spend time together—along with a willingness to accept your child’s counterproposals. 

Jesus, help me to see ways I can spend my best time with [your child]. I want to trust you with [your child] rather than lean on my own understanding, opinions, or preferences. Amen.