Day 5: Forgiving the Other Person/Persons

In my case, there were many “other women” I had to forgive. Almost all were people that I knew. They had worked in our home, been in our social circles, and were co-workers and colleagues.

I made a list of the names and prayed through that list often. Because I knew most of them, I remembered being with them or conversing with my ex-husband about them. The mind is so powerful, and I had mental associations that I didn't even know were stored up. They were triggers, unexpected, sharp, and painful. And I experienced them for years, even as I moved on and healed.

I wish I could say that I did the ‘holy’ thing and prayed for these women every time they came to mind, but if I said that, I would be lying. Instead, I did what David did and cried to God to help me forget. I asked Him to do supernatural work in me, and He did.

I started to erase those names from my head and heart because of that supernatural work and my strong desire to forgive. It sounds incredible, but it is true. This process has taken years, but even the inclination to do some Social Media creeping to see what they were up to has faded over time and eventually disappeared.

When we are willing to forgive, the Holy Spirit will help us in a way that works for each of us individually so we can testify of His supernatural work in our lives.

Applications:

• The same forgiveness rule applies, regardless of whether the other person remains in our lives after the infidelity occurs.
• Overwrite the associations with the name/name of the other person/s. Something the Lord used to help me forgive those other women was to give me a job in customer service, a context where I got to help women with the same names as those who had hurt me. Every time I assisted one of those women, God used it to help me let go of those grievances more.
• Remember that you made your covenant of marriage with one person. The other person did not make a vow with you to love and cherish you. As tempting as it is to blame the other person for seducing our spouse, in reality, the infidelity charge is not against them but against our spouse.
• Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. If the other person is a close friend or even a family member, they have sinned against you, and you are to forgive, as Jesus stated in the Lord's Prayer. However, prayerfully consider how and if to move forward in that relationship.