Day 3: Living In Peace with Yourself

How could I miss all the signs? How stupid I was not knowing this was happening right under my nose! These recurring thoughts swarmed around in my head for some time.

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” Romans 12:18.

Pursuing peace with "all men" also means with yourself. The enemy of our souls wants us to believe it was our fault, even though what happened was because of someone else's choice.

My most significant prayer throughout the process was that God would help me not to be bitter. I did not want a root of bitterness to grow older and more substantial with me as I went through life. I imagined myself in my eighties, laughing and speaking words of life, not spewing bitterness and painting all men with one ugly brush because of what had happened to me.

Applications:

• Pray for a new perspective. As I went through our family photo albums, all of them seemed like lies to me, as now, each photo and period seemed marred by his deceit. Although all of it felt like a lie, I knew it wasn't. There had been a lot of good, and I asked God to show me and renew my mind regarding my family life up to that point.
• Break the silence. When the burden of the secrets became too much, I finally spoke with someone I believe the Lord led me to. After speaking with them, I told my parents and siblings the truth. I feared telling them would make me look bad, but I knew that keeping this all to myself was quietly eating away at me on the inside.
• Stay in the Word and prayer and seek wise counsel. I believed the Bible and my relationship with God were my lifeline. Yet, what I read in the Word was challenging to walk out. A missionary friend told me that one way to move forward in obedience to what we believe God is asking us to do when we don't feel like it is to ask Him to give us the want to want to. In other words, we can ask God to change our perspective and desires. You can pray for the “want to want to."

This process of living in peace with ourselves happens alongside all the work we must do to get through something as devastating as marital infidelity. It is a challenging work. Thank God we don't have to do it alone! We do have supernatural help in the person of the Holy Spirit. We do our part in the ways we can, and He will do the heavy lifting of bringing healing and wholeness.