Good Relationships Start With YouSýnishorn

Vulnerability

Over the past six days, we’ve taken an honest look at our own role in relationship problems, identifying areas that call for greater sacrifice, and also accepting our limits. It’s never easy work to face who we really are. But it’s often even harder to let others see the “real me” we’ve been hiding.

For all his lofty theology and bold confrontations, the apostle Paul writes about vulnerability as a core ministry value. In his letter to the Romans, he describes “great sorrow and unceasing grief in [his] heart” because his fellow Israelites didn’t recognize Christ as Messiah (9:2-4). Writing to the Corinthians, Paul says he came with“weakness and fear, and in great trembling” so that they would put their faith in God, not him (1 Cor. 2:3-4). He also confesses he and his fellow travelers “despaired even of life” while they were in Asia (2 Cor. 1:8). And to the Ephesians, the apostle calls himself “the very least of all saints” (3:8).

But Paul wasn’t always this open. In 2 Corinthians 12, he reveals an experience that deeply shaped his views on weakness:

Because of the extraordinary greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in difficulties, in behalf of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (vv. 7-10).

Sharing his weaknesses with others was central to Paul’s ability to build relationships. As he told the Thessalonians, “We had a fond affection for you and were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thess. 2:8).

We’re vulnerable with others, Dr. Stanley says in his sermon “Troubled Friendships ,” when we are “willing to open our heart, tell others what we’re feeling—tell them when we’re hurting, angry, feel misunderstood or rejected, or happy. We’re vulnerable when we tell them what’s really motivating us.” If you can’t be vulnerable, he says, you can’t have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

REFLECT

• On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not at all and 10 being all the way, how likely are you to share your own weaknesses and struggles with others?
• What’s the risk of sharing the “real you”with your friends and family? Have you ever had an experience of vulnerability used negatively against you? On the other hand, what are the potential rewards of sharing this way? How do you balance the two?
• Is there something you’re facing now that you haven’t told anyone about? What if you made a commitment to share it with your spouse or a trusted friend this week? To be completely vulnerable, let the person know how you’re feeling even about sharing this information with him or her.
  
  • You can listen to Dr. Stanley’s sermon “Troubled Friendships ” and others referenced in this plan on the InTouch website .