Good Relationships Start With YouSýnishorn

Self-Reflection

Just as there are two sides to every coin, there are two people involved in every relationship. This means there are two sets of experiences and perspectives to create something special—and two ways to point the finger when things go wrong. We may let others go first when standing in line or choosing dessert, but when it comes to improving relationships, we need to start with ourselves. And that means taking an honest look inside to see what’s really going on with us.

In his sermon “Beginning With a Good Self-Image,” Dr. Stanley highlights the significance of thinking rightly about ourselves. He says our relationship with God, others, and even ourselves depends on it. So what does it mean to take this internal look?

First, it’s not—to use Dr. Stanley’s words—“a morbid introspection into one’s being, where by you come out with a great sense of self-condemnation or lack of worth in the eyes of God: ‘He’s everything; I’m nothing.’”

Rather, God “demands and desires for His children to have the proper balanced attitude toward themselves.” We also need to have the right ways of assessing ourselves—namely, we rely on the example of Christ, to whose image God is conforming us. Finally, we can invite the help of the Holy Spirit, who “searches all things” (1 Cor. 2:10) and “will guide [us] into all the truth” (John 16:13).

Here are some attitudes and tendencies of both those who think rightly about themselves and those who don’t. Which items in these two lists best represent you?

• Thinking rightly about oneself: I accept myself for who I am. I have a clear understanding of my strengths and weaknesses. I can talk openly with others. I say “I love you” to people I care about. I expose my interior life without fear of criticism. I am confident, not so much of my ability, but of God’s ability. I readily relate to other people. I can share my burdens with others. I listen when others share their burdens with me. I join in other people’s happiness and success without feeling threatened. I have nothing to prove to others.

• Thinking wrongly about oneself: I don’t trust myself. I question my ability and talents. I always wonder if people are talking about me. I am afraid to be open about my burdens. I fear people won’t like me if they really know me. I try to hide from myself, others, and God. I have a hard time relating to people. I feel as if I have to work harder and harder to prove my worth. I don’t celebrate others, because it makes me feel less about myself. I don’t like myself and it’s hard to like other people.

The truth is, whatever we think of ourselves, God is doing something good in us that He plans to complete (Phil. 1:6). The more we accept where we are now, the easier it will be to follow Jesus along His path for us.

REFLECT

• What have you learned about yourself from the statements above? What do you want to do with this self-knowledge?

• When you experience conflict in relationships, what is your first reaction? How does the nature of a particular relationship affect your initial reaction, if at all?

PRAY

Father, I want to think about myself the way You think about me. Through Your Spirit, help me to be honest about who I am and how I contribute to both the health and breakdown of my relationships. Help me walk forward confidently, knowing that You are continuing to work in and through me.