Good Relationships Start With YouSýnishorn

Starting With Me

There’s no doubt about it—American culture values excellence. In this country, we push our children to do their best and, in some cases, to surpass it. We celebrate elite athletes, brilliant scientists, and artists at the top of their field. And we’re no easier on ourselves—compelled by all this greatness, we read books, fill our minds with self-help podcasts, and even pray about the strategies and processes that will help us succeed.

What if we applied that same goal of excellence to our relationships? In his letter to the Thessalonians Christians, Paul says that there’s “no need for anyone to write to [them]” about how to have good relationships, because they “are taught by God to love one another.” Still, he urges them to “excel even more.” “Excel” because being great at serving one another with kindness and generosity is what love in God’s kingdom is all about. And “even more,” because, though they’re already doing it, there’s always something else they could do in love (1 Thess. 4:9-10).

The language of excellence is tricky, however, because being the best at something often comes with the temptation of pride, boasting, and self-centered thinking. The desire for excellence can drive us to overwork and neglect what’s most important to us, or more insidiously, to compromise our morals and standards.

As we begin our seven-day relationship reboot, it’s essential that we take a look inward, starting with some honest talk about humility. In the book of Philippians, Paul offers a two-pronged definition of humility. He says it is:

• “Consider[ing] one another as more important than yourselves” and
• “Not merely look[ing] out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (2:3-4).

Humility enables us to make an honest assessment: We’re all sinners saved by grace. And having been made in God’s image, we don’t degrade or demean ourselves. Nor do we exalt ourselves above others or even exalt ourselves at all—knowing, as James says, that when we’re humble in the presence of the Lord, He will exalt us (4:10), because of His great mercy and grace.

Think about how you define excellence. What are the standards for excelling in your own career or hobbies?t’s to acknowledge that the way up is actually down. Our primary aim in relationships is not to be loved; rather, the goal is to love humbly by confessing sin, setting aside our preferences, and elevating others.

In his sermon “Christian Relationships,” Dr. Stanley says humility means that as God’s children, we’re not self-seeking and self-centered. Rather, we acknowledge our absolute dependence upon the Lord. In other words, we don’t always expect to “be up front and take credit” but instead are willing “to do and to give and to be without recognition.”

REFLECT

• Think about how you define excellence. What are the standards for excelling in your own career or hobbies?
• Has your own pursuit of excellence ever caused problems in your life? If so, how?
• Have you ever thought about excelling at relationships? What would it look like for you to excel at love?