Good Relationships Start With YouSýnishorn

Repentance

What’s the root of our relationship problems? It may seem as if it all comes down to miscommunication, misunderstanding, or a simple mismatch in personalities. But if it were that easy, then we should be able to “simply” work out issues between us.

In James 4:1-3, we see the apostle exploring beneath the surface of interpersonal conflict. “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?” he asks. Then he lays it out for them:

Is the source not your pleasures that wage war in your body’s parts? You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend what you request on your pleasures.

Something beyond simple miscommunication or misunderstanding lies at the heart of our relationship issues. And that something is sin. But how do we uncover the sin that’s coming between us and those we love? And maybe more importantly, what do we do about the sin once it’s uncovered?

Yesterday, we took an honest look inward, considering how the ways we think about ourselves affect our relationships. In this regard, sin can lead us in two opposite but equally damaging directions.

First, we can think a little too much of ourselves. In Romans 12:3, Paul calls it “think[ing] more highly of [ourselves] than [we] ought to think.” When we focus too much on what we want and need, we can become self-centered.

Second, we can think too little of ourselves. What may seem like humility—“I’m just good for nothing”—often results in false humility, leading us to ignore the good work of God in our life and abandon our role in loving, caring for, and serving others. This too can be a form of self-centeredness.

Identifying areas of sin like these is just a start. Confessing them to God and others is the next important step to take. And finally, we need to repent of any sinful pattern of thinking and responding. We’re to adopt a lifestyle of repentance—in other words, to make it our goal to reverse course and aim back in the direction of God’s kingdom. That’s what repentance is in the end: a change of direction.

REFLECT

• While thinking too much of ourselves may seem more obviously sinful, how is thinking too little of ourselves also a sin? And how do both result in self-centeredness?

• Have you ever been critical toward others only to realize later it was because you were being self-critical? Or have you found yourself gossiping about others because you worried that others were talking about you? How are these connected?

• In Romans 12:9-13, Paul offers practical steps for those of us who struggle with sin in our relationships. The verses acts as a road map toward repentance after a season of thinking incorrectly about ourselves. Of the actions he lists, which one or two could you practice today?