Good Relationships Start With YouSýnishorn

Identity

Many of us build our identity around our relationships with others: We are coworkers, roommates, coaches, and teammates. We are so-and-so’s daughter or Mr. What’s-His-Name’s nephew. We are husbands or wives, moms or dads. We spend our days as caregivers to children, grandchildren, elderly parents, and disabled spouses. We claim our place among the friends in our group or the neighbors on our block. We use our education, career, income, and race or ethnicity to define ourselves, because we connect with those similar to us.

Who we are when we’re with our people becomes, for better or worse, who we actually are. So, when relationships fumble and falter, or when the social scaffolding we’ve taken for granted suddenly requires attention, questioning our connections to others may not be enough. The wise thing to do is rethink our connection to ourselves by asking, Who am I? or more to the point, Who have I become?

While our relationships are certainly part of who we are, the Bible invites us to a richer, more durable view of ourselves that doesn’t flinch with changing circumstances or falter when our relationships do. Consider the following verses about who we are in Christ.

• “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.” —John 1:12
• “He predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will.” —Eph. 1:5
• “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. —1 Pet. 2:9
• “Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is” —1 John 3:2

Following Christ down the narrow path of humility involves setting aside our own preferences and opinions and considering others as more significant than ourselves (Phil. 2:3). It’s important to realize that doing so doesn’t mean we’re denying who we are. Rather, we are becoming more like ourselves than we have ever been.

“If I have my eye on the other person to see how I’m being treated, I may respond in like manner,” says Dr. Stanley in his sermon “Christian Relationships.” “But if I remember who I am, insult and vengeance and ill will and scolding words don’t fit who I am, because the Bible says that you and I are the children of a king. And our King says that those who follow Him will be known by a loving attitude” (John 13:35).

Understanding our identity in Christ doesn’t negate all the other ways we think about ourselves. Instead, it should transform how we see our background, education, career, and especially our relationships.

REFLECT

• Take some time right now to answer the question Who Am I? Answer with as much honesty and vulnerability as you can.
• Have you ever set aside your preferences for someone else? Did it feel as if you were denying who you are?
• In Matthew 16:25, Jesus promises, “Whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” What do you think He means by “finding our life”?