When a Friendship Falls ApartSýnishorn

Remaining Open to Friendship After You’ve Been Hurt

Several years ago, a mug handle broke in my hands, spilling hot tea all over me. For months, the memory of the pain haunted me—as odd as it sounds, it was a long time before I held a mug without feeling uneasy. A friendship fracture can leave us similarly haunted: we feel anxious, guarded, and afraid to take risks in new friendships. But a bad experience in the past doesn’t mean we are doomed to have negative experiences in the future. We may have been burned, but those wounds don’t have to limit our hearts forever.

Relationships take courage, the kind of courage our heavenly Father exemplifies. Even though he’s been rejected many times, he keeps offering his heart and his love. We don’t often think of him this way, but God makes himself vulnerable. It’s an astounding choice for the Creator of the Universe. He who is mighty and fearsome, he who lacks nothing . . . he opens his heart and invites us in.

To fallible humans, he says,

“‘I would love to treat you as my own children!’ . . .
I looked forward to your calling me ‘Father,’
and I wanted you never to turn from me.
But you have been unfaithful to me. . . .
“My wayward children,” says the LORD,
“come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts.”
Jeremiah 3:19-20, 22, NLT

God spoke those plaintive words to Israel. They had wandered from God, and the Father mourned. You and I know that feeling too: I thought we were friends; I thought you’d never leave.

But God puts his heart back out there: “Come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts.” God keeps loving us, even when we don’t deserve it. God keeps loving, even when few respond. Instead of guarding his heart, limiting his risk—I’ll keep loving them, but I’ll offer less of myself—he tries harder. His gestures culminate in the greatest of offerings: he sacrifices his only Son in our place.

Why does God do this?
Because we are worth it.
Because relationship is worth it.
Even to God. (Wow. Let that sink in for a second.)

Our God is courageous and bold in his love. Relentless in pursuing us. Resilient in the face of rejection. Our God is vulnerable, the most stubborn optimist there ever was. When we are willing to remain vulnerable, we are being like God.

I’m not suggesting we rush blindly into new friendships without finding out whether or not people are trustworthy—I’m only suggesting that, like God, we are willing to open up to new people. That we take our armor down long enough to explore new friendships. We can build trust from there, one small vulnerability at a time.

Even though I’ve had a few friendships fall apart, I still believe friendships are one of God’s greatest blessings. I’ll definitely get hurt again, but I’m willing to risk it because the friends who stick are so worth it. I pray we can all find the courage to keep trying, to keep our hearts open to the friendships God has in store for us.

We hope this plan encouraged you. It is based on the book When a Friendship Falls Apart: Finding God’s Path for Healing, Forgiveness, and (Maybe) Help Letting Go. Find more from the author, Elizabeth Laing Thompson, at https://lizzylife.com/books/.