When a Friendship Falls ApartSýnishorn

When You’re Being Maligned

Sometimes, when friendships fall apart, people—how can I say this delicately?—go off the rails. They trot out their inner Mean Girls. They start sharing your secrets, spreading half-truths and rumors, and even downright lying. They set out to protect themselves by harming you. To preserve their reputations by damaging yours.

King David, who had extensive experience with betrayal and unjust treatment, wrote Psalm 37, which will minister to your pain and help guard your heart if you’re being maligned. Verses 1-2 say,

Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Fretting indicates more than worry—fretting stirs together a miserable mixture of worry, obsession, and anger. And isn’t that what we do when someone slanders us? We can’t. Stop. Thinking. We ping-pong between stress—What’s going to happen to my reputation?—and anger—How dare she? I can’t believe a so-called Christian would act this way. We may be tempted to seek revenge: Two can play that game. Just wait till I tell everyone who she really is.

Psalm 37 offers us an eternal perspective: people who behave like this will not prosper—they will “wither” and “die away.” Mean girls won’t win. Their influence will be short-lived.

Let these peaceful words wash over you: “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture” (verse 3). You can’t control what your friend is doing or saying, but you can choose to trust God. You can find peace knowing you are safe in his holy hands. Commit your way to the Lord, and in time, he will make your righteousness shine. You will be vindicated.

Verses 12 and 13 tell us that the wicked may flourish for a season. Your former friend may seem to get away with hurting you for a while, but make no mistake: God is watching, God cannot be mocked, and God delivers his people. You have a heavenly helper, a stronghold, a savior. Cling to him.

I encourage you to meditate on Psalm 37 every day if you need to. Try praying through it, borrowing its words, asking God to fulfill its truths in your broken friendship, and pleading with him to intervene. The more we bring our anguish to God, the more he works—and the more he opens our eyes so we can see him working—on our behalf.