When a Friendship Falls ApartSýnishorn

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is hard. It fights against every instinct of our fleshly nature.

Is it any wonder Jesus spoke about forgiveness so frequently? Forgiveness was important to Jesus—you might even say it was central to his message, the very soul of it. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus essentially prohibited bitterness for his followers. He said, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15, NLT). (Here, I picture Jesus walking off the stage after a mic drop, leaving the crowd to wrestle with his words.) There is nothing we can do to earn or deserve God’s grace; however, Jesus declares that our ability to receive forgiveness is tied to our willingness to offer it.

But consider this: Jesus is not asking us to do anything he has not done himself—and to a much more dramatic degree. Jesus has modeled a higher level of forgiveness than most of us can fathom.

You and I may have been betrayed by friends, but we have not been betrayed to the death.

You and I may have suffered at others’ hands, but we have not been flogged and crucified.

Jesus forgave even when the people who hurt him did not admit wrongdoing. Jesus forgave even while he was being betrayed and killed. Jesus forgave even though he hadn’t received the apologies he deserved. We, too, are called to forgive even when, even while, and even though.

Paul wrote, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, emphasis added). There’s that idea again: even while. Christ paved the way for our forgiveness while we were still unrepentant and unapologetic.

The Lord forgave us before we knew we needed forgiving.

The Lord forgave us without reservation. Completely. Forever.

And this is how we are to forgive.

Here’s where we fall to our knees before Jesus, saying with Peter, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful person!” (See Luke 5:8.)

I write these words; I explain these high standards in all their that-sounds-impossible glory, not to shame or frustrate us, but to call us to God’s call. His call that speaks to the best parts of our hearts. Yes, forgiveness is difficult, but our struggle comes as no surprise to God. He knew this would be hard for us, yet he called us to it anyway . . . which tells us we can do it.

Because we have received such astounding, unmerited grace from the Lord, we can offer it to others. We can do it because we realize that forgiveness isn’t really about what your friend does or says or whether she’s really sorry, or whether she understands your pain. Instead, forgiveness is about our relationship with God. It’s a holy offering, a sacred expression of gratitude, humility, and surrender. It’s the most challenging way—but perhaps the most beautiful way—we imitate our Lord.