When a Friendship Falls ApartSýnishorn

God Cares When Friendships Fail

Even in the closest friendships, sometimes hurt happens. Misunderstanding. Distance. Disagreement. Even betrayal and deceit. The loss of a friendship can be staggering, a blow not only to your happiness and way of life but also to your confidence and sense of identity. The pain may haunt you for years to come. Friendships are precious to me—worth fighting for, praying about, and working through. But sometimes, despite my best (yet imperfect) efforts, I’ve had friendships falter and fail.

The loss of a friendship is often accompanied by a host of unwanted companions: insecurity, anger, isolation, bitterness, guilt, and regret. It’s a lonely loss, a private grief, like a divorce no one can see. No one’s going to send cards or flowers. Hallmark doesn’t make a Friendship Breakup sympathy card; churches don’t offer Friendship Loss Support Groups.

When a friendship falters between two faithful Christians, two people seeking to honor God in all they do, the pain is compounded, and the fallout is even more complicated. We offer our hearts in especially vulnerable ways in Christian relationships, sharing weaknesses and struggles, doubts and fears. To add to the pain, we may suffer division, misrepresentation, or misunderstanding in our mutual relationships with other believers.

You and I are not the first, last, or only ones to falter in friendship. Our compassionate Father knew our relationships would sometimes flounder, and in his grace, he included multiple examples in Scripture of godly people whose friendships struggled. In Acts 15, we read about Paul and Barnabas, two leaders in the early church who disagreed so sharply that they ended a years-long ministry partnership. News of the split must have sent shockwaves through the church. What heartache their story holds. Even Jesus, who loved perfectly, experienced broken friendships. On the night of his arrest, in his greatest moment of need, his friends fell asleep while Jesus wept alone; hours later, he was betrayed by one of his most intimate companions.

Yes, God has an ideal plan for our relationships—never betray, never hurt or be hurt, never suffer loss or loneliness—but. But God knows that life happens, sin happens, and splits happen—and he has already prepared comfort and counsel to see us through the less-than-ideal.

For the next week, let’s seek guidance from God’s Word for our struggling friendships. His Word will equip us to handle complex dynamics with integrity and wisdom, to forgive (even when the situation is still messy), and to remain openhearted even after we’ve been hurt. In all this, we’ll seek the peace only God can give, the “peace . . . which passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:7, RSV). Best of all, we’ll draw closer to the Friend who will never leave.