The Marriage Talks Part 3 | CovenantSýnishorn

Day 6 | Proverbs 5 | Antivenom for Adultery

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Welcome back everyone to The Marriage Talks. As we finish out our series on covenant, we must address the danger and consequences of breaking that covenant. 

Today’s topic is adultery. As you read through the Bible, two things stand out on this issue: adultery is a serious sin, and Jesus is a powerful savior. 

This is a big one. So big it made the Ten Commandments:

"You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).

So serious was the crime, the punishment could be stoning to death. And yet the Bible also tells us the powerful story of Jesus, presented with an adulteress woman caught in the act and confronted by the religious legalists with a challenge to condemn her. Jesus wrote in the sand, and in that incredible, life-changing moment in John 8:

“When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her" (John 8:7).

And every last accuser… walked. The lesson for us? Adultery is deadly serious. It breaks a holy covenant. It destroys the covenant that protects your children, and Jesus does not lessen the gravity of that sin. But His grace is greater. He forgives. He heals. But do not mistake his kindness for weakness. Jesus says to us, just as he said to the woman:

“Go, and from now on, sin no more” (John 8:11 ESV).

So where does that leave us? Well, it frees us from the deadly guilt of our past sins, but it does not take away the earthly consequences, nor our responsibility for them. And it certainly does not free us to keep on sinning.

So our focus today will not be condemnation for sin but it will be prevention of sin. How do we prevent adultery? We need wisdom, and Proverbs spends three full chapters on wisdom and warnings that prevent adultery. Proverbs 5 is a warning from a father to his son. Verse 3:

“For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave” (Proverbs 5:3-5).

The temptation comes on smooth and sweet, but adultery will destroy you. Notice here that it often starts with words. Flirting and flattery. The warning here goes to men, but the danger for women is equal. When a husband or a wife doesn’t feel appreciated, and someone comes along who laughs at your joke. Smiles back. Appreciates you. Listen carefully. That laugh, that smile, is deadly. There is a knife at your throat, and it will ruin you. Run. And the solution? Verse 8 says:

“Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house” (Proverbs 5:8).

Your location matters. Stay away! Mind your path and keep away from her house and her social media. 

Now remember from day one that every covenant has a set of consequences if you break it. For adultery, the consequences here in chapter 5 are grim. In verse 11:

“At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. You will say, "How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!” (Proverbs 5: 11).

In other words, when you look back at a wasted life, and the relationships you destroyed, you will berate yourself because you didn’t listen. There was a warning. Maybe this is the warning. Stay away. Everything that you love is on the line. 

So what’s the alternative? How do you prevent it? Verse 15:

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well” (Proverbs 5:15).

That cistern is your spouse, your source of pure, clean, refreshing water. Note that it doesn’t say, "Blame your spouse for not appreciating you." No victim-shaming here. It says enjoy what you have. Appreciate her. Or him. In verse 18:

“May your fountain be blessed (again, that’s your spouse), and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

This is the shark repellant for adultery, the anti-venom for temptation. Rejoice in… your wife. Rejoice in… your husband. Now I understand that adultery and it causes and cure are far more complex than I can address in a few minutes. But joy is essential. And notice here that joy is not something that lands on you. It’s a choice, and you choose what or whom to rejoice in. What you think about. What makes you smile and laugh through life’s troubles. And the word there can mean both to be joyful and to bring joy to the other. Rejoice together. Be the fountain of refreshing for each other that is pure. That means personally and sexually.

Verse 19 gets a little racy, but it’s in the Bible because you need it men. Speaking of your wife:

“A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19).

Okay, awkward, but important. Choose to be satisfied with your spouse. Be content. And he uses the word intoxicated or captivated twice. With the adulteress, it’s a stupid-drunk, as in decisions that will destroy and imprison you, cuz you’re stupid-drunk. But the same word is used with your spouse as a beautiful blessing. Intoxicated. Captivated, by her love. By his love. Get lost in it. Within the covenant, it’s holy and safe. Like a fire in the fireplace, it’s amazing. But let it outside marriage, now your house is on fire. Wake up, run away, and call for help. 

The covenant of marriage is meant to last. It’s meant to protect your relationship through all the storms that will come and put you both to the test. Friends of mine hit a major storm in their marriage some years back. She cheated. They were both believers, but she messed up. That is enough to break most marriages. Even Jesus says that’s reason enough to separate. And for a while, it looked like it might just be the end for my friends. He forgave her, but the arguments kept coming. Every little thing blew out of proportion. And one day, he figured out why they couldn’t move forward. She didn’t feel secure. It was her own fault, she knew, but she felt like every argument might be the one that ends it. So he finally said to her, “I’m not leaving you.” And he meant it. That one simple promise, changed their whole dynamic. Because it renewed the covenant, and that covenant was restored to guard their relationship once more. They still argued, but their arguments were finally safe again. The covenant made them safe. 

And that will do it for Part 3. So glad you joined us. If you enjoyed it, share it! Tell your church, invite your small group, and don’t miss Part 4! The next series is all about making it last, and it begins with the power of joy, of enjoying each other and having fun together. This one might be my favorite in the whole series, and for many of you, Part 4 will be the one thing that your marriage really needs. Joy is powerful. And we will finally hear from my wife. It was gonna be in this series, but that episode got bumped. Sorry. 

And Through the Word has lots more Bible plans, including audio guides to every book and every chapter in the Bible. You can find many of those right here, just search for the Explained series. From Genesis Explained to Revelation Explained, or find more topicals in our Bible Basics Explained. And my next project here in the studio is The Manhood Talks. Watch for that coming soon. I have one more story. But first, your discussion questions. 

For Thought & Discussion:

Question #1: In Proverbs (5:18), what does it mean to “rejoice in” your spouse? How does that strengthen your covenant together?

Question #2: Write down the top three take-aways from this series. What do you want to remember, and how can you make sure you remember it?

And before I leave you… one more story. Just a year ago now, my oldest daughter was married. Daisy and Noah. Time flies, doesn’t it? And there I stood. The music played, the bridal parties entered, and I waited at the bottom of a grand staircase for my girl. She was beautiful. When she reached me, I had one last chance to talk to my daughter before I gave her away. 

Hey Daisy. Guess what…

What?

I love you.

There was that old smile again.

Guess what else…

What?

Jesus loves you.

Guess what… else…

What?

Noah loves you too, but you’ll always be my girl.

Fortunately, she didn’t cry or I would have been in trouble with her mom. But as she went on to leave her parents and enter her own covenant, I wanted her to know our promise to her still stands, and Jesus’ love never fails. It’s a covenant.

Thanks for joining me guys. See you on the next journey.  

Read Proverbs 5

Find all The Marriage Talks and lots more TTW plans at www.throughtheword.org. 

All verses are quoted from the NIV unless otherwise noted.