The Marriage Talks Part 3 | CovenantSýnishorn

Day 3 | Song of Songs 8:6-8 | Holiness 

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Hey friends and welcome back to The Marriage Talks. Kris Langham with you again! As we talk through what the Bible says about the covenant of marriage, we arrive today at the topic of holiness. After all, it is called holy matrimony. You know, every time I conduct a wedding, I always want to say “Holy matrimony Batman!” But I still haven’t figured out a good setup. Anyhoo… 

The word holy gets right to the heart of the Bible’s teaching on marriage. But let’s get the meaning right. When people use the word holy too much, I don't think it means what they think it means. When someone says holy mackerel or holy shnikes, it’s usually because they’re astonished. What they mean is, “Wow. I’ve never seen a mackerel like that in my life!” And that is part of what holy means. In the Bible, holy means set apart. God is holy because there is nothing in the universe like Him. God’s people are holy because he sets them apart for his own special purpose. And marriage is holy because God ordained it to be set apart from every other relationship. Holy also has a sense of wholeness, as in something partial that is made whole and complete, as a marriage makes the two become one.

And God calls us to keep marriage holy, to honor it as sacred and set apart. Hebrews 13:4:

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews 13:4).

Honoring marriage means recognizing it’s value, and treating it with respect. Keeping it pure means setting it apart. Distinguish between this relationship and all the others. Don’t act with other women the way you act with your wife. Don’t talk to other men the way you talk with your husband. There should be a respect and an intimacy that is exclusively for your spouse.

The exclusive nature of marriage is highlighted throughout the book of Song of Songs. If you weren’t aware, Song of Songs is the Bible’s sexy book. Totally holy, but definitely sexy. We’ll save the details for our Song of Songs Explained plan, but there’s a phrase repeated several times by the bride in the story:

“I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies” (Song of Songs 6:3).

Notice the sense of belonging to each other. She declares, I am his and he is mine. And the picture she paints is of a garden well-kept but locked up. The keeper of the garden is the bride, and the flowers and fruit inside are meant for one man and one man only: her husband. 

That exclusivity and sense of belonging to each other is repeated in the New Testament. 1st Corinthians 7:4:

“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:4).

Now all of those verses are about sex, at least in part. Holiness and sex are closely related, but we’ll talk about that tomorrow. For today, holiness and marriage. 

So, God is the one who makes marriage holy, but we’re called to keep it that way. How do you do that? Well, you sanctify your marriage. I know, more churchy terms. But this is a beautiful one. Sanctification is the action of setting something apart, of making it holy. 1st Peter 3 says:

“But in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord” (1 Peter 3:15, Berean Study Bible).

I picture this as a section of my heart marked special for Lord, the one I serve. I set that apart for Jesus. And I picture another part of my heart set apart for wife. Before marriage, the door is locked shut. But for my bride, I open it wide and give her free reign. But for anyone else, that room is still closed up with a seal over the door. Back in Song of Songs, now in chapter 8:

“Place me like a seal over your heart,

like a seal on your arm;

for love is as strong as death,

its jealousy unyielding as the grave.

It burns like blazing fire,

like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;

rivers cannot sweep it away.

If one were to give

all the wealth of one’s house for love,

It would be utterly scorned” (Song of Songs 8:6-8).

I love that verse. The word for fire there is fire of Yah: the Lord’s fire. It is the fire of God’s love in our hearts that cannot be quenched, not even by rivers. It is kept blazing because it is sealed, protected by a covenant. One seal on your heart for yourself, and one on your arm to let the world know. Today we seal our arm, so to speak, with a wedding ring. It’s a sign to the world that, romantically speaking, you are set apart. Sanctified.

A story. I was sixteen, and as foolish and naive as I was tall and skinny. Andrea was my first real girlfriend. My wife now. The first time she visited my house and saw the walls in my room, they were covered in posters: Magic Johnson, Motley Crue, typical early nineties teenager stuff. Annnnd… a bunch of girls in bikinis. I told you I was a fool. Andrea was different though. She walked in, looked around, then reached up and pulled down a poster. Didn’t say a word. Just grabbed that bikini girl, opened the window, and tossed it straight out. Walked to the next one, and pulled it down too. One after another, they all came down and went out the window. And there was no funny business happening between us, she just wanted them gone. Now my brother was outside on the ground floor like it was raining women! But as for me, I was perfectly content. And I can honestly say, they were gone for good. Never missed ‘em.

Now what she was doing as she cleared the walls is a pretty good picture of sanctifying. And the same thing has to happen on the walls of your heart. Back in Ephesians 5, Jesus… 

“…loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy” (Ephesians 5:26a). 

Jesus washes us clean and purifies us, tears down every idol from our hearts. And husband, you’re called to do the same. Make your wife holy in your heart. Purify your love for her. 

Open up your heart. Get in there and tear down the posters of every other contender. Set your wife a special place in your heart, a holy place. Wife, you do the same. Tear down the posters, set a seal to mark that heart as taken, and give your husband the only key. Make it holy.

We’ll finish there for today., but don’t forget to read today’s passage, and discuss the questions. 

For Thought & Discussion:

Question #1: How does the word holy apply to marriage, and how can we honor that holiness?

Question #2: In SOS 8:6, what does it mean to place your spouse “like a seal on your heart” and “like a seal on your arm”? How can we do that practically?

That’s it for today. Enjoy the discussion. Remember: speak with grace, listen with humility, and no shaming. And I’ll see you back here next time.

Read Hebrews 13:4, Song of Songs 8:6-8, & Ephesians 5:25-26.

All verses are quoted from the NIV unless otherwise noted.