The Marriage Talks Part 3 | CovenantSýnishorn

Day 2 | Ruth 3:7-11 | Commitment 

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Welcome back to Marriage Talks. Kris Langham with you again as we dig into the covenant of marriage. There’s a sweet little story in the book of Ruth, where the young widow Ruth finds Boaz alone, the man she loves, and says to him: 

“Spread the corner of your garment over me” (Ruth 3:9).

Sounds a little racy, but that’s probably not what she was thinking about. Not yet. This is not hopping into bed together. In that culture, a man spreading the corner of his garment over a woman was an invitation into covenant. God uses the same picture when he speaks to his people in Ezekiel 16:

“… I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine” (Ezekiel 16:8).

So that covering with a garment represents a promise to protect, to guard from shame. The picture there is of a woman exposed and vulnerable to shame and harm, and a good and noble man who covers her to protect her, and not take advantage of her. The covenant of marriage is designed to protect and cover your relationship and the people in it. 

That may sound romantic, but this goes way deeper than romance. Reminds me of a story. It was our first day of premarital counseling. I was twenty-two, crazy in love, and filled with all kinds of romantic notions about marriage. Our pastor shared with us a list of the top ten things that make marriage last, according to couples who had been married over forty years. Forty years is pretty long. These are words of experience. I still remember when I read number one on the list: Commitment to the institution of marriage. 

That? That’s number one? Commitment to the institution of marriage. Institution! How unromantic can you get? But there it was. That’s what worked. Twenty-four years later, I gotta admit, that is straight up wisdom. 

See commitment is at the core of covenant. You gotta stick with it. I used to think of wedding vows as really sweet things that you say to make each other tear up. But forget sweet, wedding vows are promises. They are the terms of a covenant. Yeah, terms. Like all the small print in legalese that you have to sign when you rent a car or buy a house. Those might seem unnecessary at the time, but if you break ‘em, you better believe they’re important. And if they’re written justly and fairly, they also protect you. 

And that’s what a covenant does, it protects. In Proverbs 2, a father tells his son that wisdom will protect him from the seductive words of an adulterous married woman who has:

“…ignored the covenant she made before God” (Proverbs 2:17). 

In other words, a woman who breaks a covenant is dangerous. Proverbs spends several chapters warning men: that woman will destroy you. And the covenant of marriage protects your life. 

And what about the men? In Malachi 2, the Lord tells some unfaithful men that He refuses to honor their prayers. Remember the consequences for breaking a covenant? In verse 14:

“…because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant” (Malachi 2:14).

And God explains why that marriage covenant is so important to him. Verse 15:

“Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth” (Malachi 2:15).

Notice that God makes a direct connection between faithfulness to the marriage covenant and godly offspring, meaning kids that live godly lives. The relationship between mom and dad has a deep and profound effect on kids, on their sense of security, and on their walk with God. The marriage covenant between mom and dad is designed to protect them.

Now before you start judging your parents for their failures, or falling into guilt trips for your own, I want to remind you that we all come from brokenness. All of us. And the gospel is made for broken people. Jesus came for us, the broken. Jesus heals the broken hearted (Psalm 147:3), and He turns the hearts of fathers to their children and children to their fathers (Luke 1:17). He can handle your brokenness, but He will not leave you there. He came to heal, to make all things new. 

So whatever your parents’ story, and whatever your past story, God’s invites you to a redemption story. 

In fact, the Bible uses the story of Hosea, with a very broken family, to paint a picture of how powerfully Jesus redeems and heals. It’s a heartbreaking story. Hosea marries a woman. They have a son together, but after that, things break down fast. She gives birth to a daughter, but it’s clearly not his kid. She cheated. And get this, Hosea names the girl, “Not loved.” And when the next son comes along, Hosea names him, “Not my people.” In fact, God told him to give the kids those names, and He uses this story to tell His people:

“…you are not my people, and I am not your God.” (Hosea 1:9).

In other words, God says, you broke the covenant. But the story doesn’t end there. God redeems. God rebuilds a broken covenant. In the very next verse, God makes this incredible promise:

“In the place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,' they will be called 'children of the living God’” (Hosea 1:10b).

And in the New Testament, Romans and 1st Peter both refer back to that story as an illustration of the gospel. God rescues us from brokenness, even brokenness that we were born into, and He rebuilds and renews. He sets a seal of protection over us, and makes a new covenant:

“I will be their God, and they will be my people” (Hebrews 8:10b).

God never forgot the promises that he made, and neither should we. Reminds me of my daughter’s high school graduation. Daisy got to make a speech. She shared memories, thanked teachers, thanked her amazing mom. Then she turned to me, “Dad, I still remember what you taught me.” Now I spent years teaching her Algebra, Chemistry, Bible, all kinds of stuff. I’m a teacher! And I knew she couldn’t possibly remember all of it. So what was this? Then she said the words, that I hadn’t thought about in years, “I still remember what you taught me. That you love me. That Jesus loves me. And that I’m you’re girl.”

My tears came fast. And plenty. I hadn’t said that since she was maybe six. She just got too old for it. But it stuck. There she stood, all grown up, and the important stuff stuck. And Lord knows she had some tough years and tough trials. But she held on, and she remembered. And she was protected, even through the hurt. 

Husband. Wife. Your commitment to the institution of marriage, to the covenant of marriage, will protect your whole family. If you grew up without that, or if you’ve failed already, God redeems. So call on Him who makes all things new. But as you consider your covenant with your spouse, consider those vows carefully, what they mean to you, to your spouse, and to your kids. 

Now to the discussion. Remember, read the passages first, then speak with grace, listen with humility, and no shaming.

For Thought & Discussion

Question #1: Why do you think that “commitment to the institution of marriage” was number one on the list of things that make marriage last? 

Question #2: How does commitment to the marriage covenant serve as protection for a family? And share your own experience, positive or negative.

Bonus: This one is different and might take some work. I want you to write down your wedding vows. If you can’t find them, write some new ones. And talk together about what each one means to you now.

That’s it for today. Until next time.

Read Ruth 3:7-11, Malachi 2:13-15, Hosea 1:9-10

All verses are quoted from the NIV unless otherwise noted.