Broken Made WholeHalimbawa

“The Comfort in Pain”

I was trying to be strong for others and for myself but I couldn’t. I started weeping and wailing, thinking that all the ache will be swept away with the tears. Since it didn’t, the pain turned into anger instead. I never wanted to be angry. I never wanted to be in pain. But I have to accept what’s in front of me. I have to face the truth of pain being as real as my existence.

My hope was taken away from me, because in the first place, I have put it in something that didn’t exist. I heard this quote somewhere, “The worst thing that you could ever take away from a person is hope.” And yes, mine just vanished into thin air.

I did not know I was already going through depression until I found out that my weight dropped four kilos in four months. Stress and anxiety didn’t make me eat more. They made my body reject food.

Oh, and my fragile heart… It has been dying months before its actual crushing and breaking point.

God was there when it all happened. He saw me at my worst. He saw me at my helpless, and defenseless state. He counted every tear I’ve shed, and listened to every word I’ve poured out to Him. “God, ayoko na. Sobrang sakit. Ayoko na.”

It was comforting that He gently dealt with me in those moments. Like the compassionate Father that He is, He took me in His arms, held me close, and made me feel like a child being lulled by a father’s love and assurance. The LORD sent a lot of people who encouraged me, prayed with me and for me and stayed with me during this trying time. He used them to remind me that I am not alone. He used them to keep me from isolating myself from the world, from being that emo girl that I once was.

I could’ve chosen to take a stroll on that path again or I could’ve chosen to find and lose myself in people and in things. I could’ve chosen to throw my life away or end it. I could’ve chosen the lesser things but I didn’t. He led me far away from that dark, and scary direction. “You are worth so much more,” He reminded me.