[Wisdom of Solomon] Mad at YouНамуна

I Choose Us

Solomon’s wife had been looking for him everywhere. She went to her friends for help, and they now want to help her. She remembers all the great things about her husband. As she tells her friends about how great he is, she figures out exactly where he is. He went to the garden; that was his place of work. He didn’t go to the bar with his friends to complain. He returned to work to give her and him time to process until she was ready to talk.

Conflict takes time to process. You can handle some things quickly, but with others, you say, ”You know what, let’s get a little space here. Let’s let the emotions come down.” As the story continues, he is grazing among the lilies, picking flowers for her. This is a humongous statement of commitment. A statement that says, ”I am my love’s, and my love is mine.” They hadn’t made up yet, but she knew he was committed to her.

There wasn’t a back door to escape. They weren’t just living together; they were married. They’d made a covenantal commitment to each other. There was no divorce talk being thrown in the fight. There was a foundation of commitment here that they lay their conflict on top of, for when you lay conflict on commitment, you end up with security. There wasn’t a fear of how things would turn out, for they both knew how strong the foundation was.

During conflict, you must remember to choose each other. You lay down your pride, personality, and preferences and you lay them on the commitment you made on that wedding day—the day when two became one. You choose to respond to conflict. You’re either going to go through conflict or you’re going to actually grow through conflict. When you recall the commitments you made to each other, you can then start to tell yourself that certain things are ”no big deal.” You throw as many things as possible into that bucket of ”no big deal,“ founded upon the commitment you made where you said you would lay down your pride and preferences for your beloved. If you don’t throw many things into this bucket or choose each other over the conflict, then the little foxes in the vineyard will eat away at the garden you’re building together. When you think like this, you don’t have to question your spouse, fight over unnecessary things, or potentially lose your spouse so that you can win. Instead, you remember, ”I am my love’s, and my love is mine.”