The 10 Myths Of Teen DatingSample

What’s Happening in Her Brain

Earlier we mentioned Helen Fisher’s three stages of relationships; the first stage being lust. Dr. Fisher posits that relationships have two other stages as well: attraction and attachment. Each stage happens in succession, and the previous stage must fade to allow the latter to emerge. It is typically in the attraction phase of a relationship that a young girl thinks that what she feels for her boyfriend is love. During this phase, incredible changes occur in her brain circuitry. It’s as if her brain and body are having a party.

If you were to look at your daughter’s brain during the attraction phase of a relationship, you would see activity in the same parts of the brain that controls such states as thirst, hunger, intoxication, and mania. In fact, studies have found that the early stages of romance mimic the effects of the drug Ecstasy on the brain. Scientists speculate that a girl’s preference for her boyfriend over nearly everything else may be a result of dopamine flooding her system.

The attraction phase of romance is very much like addiction. During this phase, your daughter is becoming hooked on her boyfriend. You might say “she is crazy” about him, even intoxicated by him. One of the trademarks of drug addiction is that addicts will pursue the drug even when they are suffering serious consequences for their usage. The same is true when a girl is “addicted” to her boyfriend.

At this stage your daughter’s craving for her boyfriend can be intense and the pursuit of the relationship can be all consuming. What she is feeling is very strong. The emotional high, unlimited energy, sleeplessness, and downright craziness of attraction are difficult to put into words. Your daughter feels it right to her core, and it is a rush. But, as most adults know, this is not love.

During the attraction phase, a girl is much less likely to pick up on a boy’s shortcomings. During this phase, when the female brain is turning up the areas of the brain that control love, it is also turning down the areas that control worry and critical thinking, making it much easier for the girl to let down her guard. This is God’s way of starting a spark between two people. If girls were hyper alert to boys’ faults all the time, they would never be able to form relationships with the opposite gender.

As she grows attached to her boyfriend, a girl is thinking less critically about him and beginning to view him through loving eyes. This is why a girl can go from not liking a boy at all to having quite an interest in him in just a few short days. Her affection cannot grow unless she sees the good in a person. But as they say, “not everything that glitters is gold.”