The 10 Myths Of Teen DatingSample

Happiness Is Not Found in a Romantic Relationship

For quite some time scientists believed all people had a set point for their level of happiness. Much like the set point for body weight, which makes dieting exceedingly difficult, researchers used to believe happiness had a predetermined level that changed very little. The latest thinking indicates that our happiness level is more changeable than originally thought.

A recent study by Sonja Lyubomirsky, which built on previous twin studies, suggests that about 50 percent of our happiness level is genetically determined and 10 percent is a result of the circumstances in our lives. The remaining 40 percent can be changed through our habits and thinking. Here’s how this translates to the teenage girl who believes a boyfriend will be a panacea for her unhappiness.

Because 60 percent of her happiness is already set if she places her happiness in having a boyfriend, the level of happiness she could obtain is far less than the bliss she likely imagines. Even if she has a perfect and amazing relationship (which isn’t going to happen), the other 60 percent—genetics and circumstances—will still factor into her overall happiness level. It is safe to say that even in the best of circumstances, a boyfriend will contribute only a little to a girl’s happiness.

From Jacquelyn:
Two acronyms that represent strong forces that played in my teen life, and were detrimental to my happiness, were FOMO and YOLO. Ever heard of those? FOMO stands for fear of missing out, a fear that is greatly attributable to social media. You see your friends doing fun things, happy and in love, and you don’t want to miss out on that. My junior year of high school, I convinced myself that because I was single I didn’t want to go to the Spring Fling Swing Dance.

Two texts from a girlfriend on the day of the event later, and I forced my mom to hit the mall and get me a last-minute outfit. I wasn’t about to be left out! FOMO can make your daughter feel that she has to have a date to prom, she has to walk down the hall holding her boyfriend’s hand, and she will get invited to do fun things with other couples only if she is part of a couple.

YOLO is the idea that you only live once. In high school I once saw a boy jump off the roof of a house into a pool while shouting, “YOLO!” This thinking was part of why I didn’t wait until I was 18 to date. All of my friends were dating, and life was passing me by—I wanted to experience all that I possibly could. I really felt like I was getting left behind, not part of the journey that high school had to offer me. Why not try and experience it all?

Parents, just be advised that this is the kind of pressure that is rolling around in your daughter’s brain, whether she is aware of it or not. I spent much of my teenage years responding to urges like this.