The 10 Myths Of Teen DatingSample

Help Her Understand She Has Value

Where does an understanding of one’s value come from? Ideally it comes from a lifetime of strong connections to loving parents. When parents love their children, protect them, invest in them, look them directly in the eyes on a regular basis and tell them they love them and hug them often, their children learn they are valuable.

The power of a parent’s affirmation and love was brought home to me one day during a classroom discussion that had nothing to do with the day’s planned subject matter. We were talking about parents grounding their children. One thing led to another, and soon many students were pouring out their hearts that their parents don’t express love for them. It was nearly unbearable.

After class a teary-eyed student came up to me. I had talked many times before with this student about the struggles of living with her divorced, bipolar mother. I knew that what I was about to hear would not be good. And then she said, “Mr. Anderson, would you give me a hug? My father has never hugged me in my life."

In all my years of teaching, this was perhaps the most soul-crushing moment I had ever experienced. I ended that class with a big hug for that student. Every day for the rest of the semester when I greeted her at the door, she would ask for a hug. Sadly, my hugs weren’t enough to fill the hole in her heart for her father’s love.

This young girl believed she was worthless, and it has played out in an eating disorder that has required two hospitalizations. While this young woman is on the road to recovery, I have always wondered what her life would have been like if her parents had given her the love and affirmation she needed. (As of this writing, this young woman has just graduated from university and is now pursuing a master’s in social work. She has not needed to go back into treatment for her eating disorder for more than three years.)