The 10 Myths Of Teen DatingSample

Why She Shouldn’t Trust Her Emotions

One reason she can’t trust her emotions is because her developing brain is wired to value social bonding above everything else. In her book The Female Brain, Louann Brizendine explained that “connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers in a girl’s brain.” She elaborated that when a teenage girl is talking about things related to romance and sex, the girl receives a “major dopamine and oxytocin rush.” Both dopamine (a neurotransmitter) and oxytocin (a neurohormone) make social bonding pleasurable, which in turn makes a teenage girl seek out more social bonding.

This desire for social bonding extends into the dating world. Dopamine and oxytocin levels will also increase during the early stages of a dating relationship. Oxytocin is often called the love hormone because it facilitates bonding and trust between partners. Elevated levels of dopamine and oxytocin can cause your daughter to get carried away with her emotions at the beginning of a relationship.

Every year, I have a few female students for whom learning holds absolutely no interest. It is not that these girls struggle to learn or are not bright, but they find their social world far more engaging than anything the classroom has to offer. When in class, they want to text or talk to friends. The idea of studying at lunch rather than hang out with friends is unthinkable.

Their evenings are not consumed with homework but rather with texting, Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. For these girls, the emotional subtext of their social lives is all consuming. While this type of girl may be the exception and not the rule, the truth remains that teenage girls are wired for social bonding. And in the economy of social bonding, emotions are like money. In the same way we measure wealth by the amount of money we possess, a teenage girl’s “wealth” is very much measured by her emotional satisfaction; and in this economy, there isn’t always room for rational thought.