Hindsight Sample

1. Learn to collaborate early and often. 

I was a top-down, my-way-or-the-highway leader. I was sure I knew what was best for the church, and I believed my God-given authority meant that I had to make all the decisions. My micromanagement prevented people from sharing all their ideas. We could have grown more if I’d valued their input.

2. Practice active listening. 

People communicate powerful messages, but not always with their words. Of course, words are our primary means of communication, and as we listen, we look for meaning. The way I know I’m listening is when I ask second and third follow-up questions instead of jumping in to give my definitive opinion. I’m learning to notice a person’s body language: closed or open, defensive or engaging, angry or compliant. When their posture and their words give conflicting messages, I need to slow down and find out what’s really going on. And when I think I understand, I can say, “Let me tell you what I hear you saying,” and explain the point as clearly as I can. This gives the person an opportunity to clarify anything I missed so he knows that I get it. 

3. See the value in others. 

This is an easy step for some leaders; it’s in their personal and organizational DNA. But for some of us, it’s a stretch. When people know we value them, they give their best. Isn’t that what we want? A pastor asked me to help him get through a rough patch in his church’s life. It didn’t take long to figure out that his leadership style looked very familiar: he was authoritarian and micromanaged his staff. I told him, “Why don’t you ask the people on your team to come up with the theme for next year?”

He reacted, “I’ve never done that!”

“I know,” I assured him. “But it would motivate them if they felt they were part of the process of determining the emphasis of the church for next year.”

He looked like I was asking him to give them the keys to the kingdom. I was. I explained, “Ask each of them to come up with three concepts that would inspire every person in the church—from children to seniors, on Sunday morning and in classes and groups. In the next staff meeting, write all of them on a whiteboard. Then, ask each one to vote so you can come up with the top five. Have them vote again to come up with the top three. When you have those, ask, ‘Which of these will have the greatest impact and will motivate people in your area of ministry?’ Unless it’s entirely off the wall—which it won’t be—go with it.”

He asked, “Maury, why in the world would I do that?” 

“Because—” I was stating the obvious, but it obviously needed to be stated—“you’re showing that you value their advice . . . and that matters to them. You’re letting them participate in your level of leadership. They’ll be more motivated than ever. This is just one way to build a collaborative team.”

4. Create a reconciling environment. 

When people don’t feel heard, they get their feelings hurt, and they do things to either get attention or to put other people down. For many years, I didn’t address “the elephant in the room”—staff members’ overt defiance or covert undermining of others with sarcasm. I just let it simmer . . . and sour. But no longer. I’m committed to resolving disputes with honesty, forgiveness, and a process to rebuild trust. A man on our team told Sam Chand that he was the only professional on our staff. When I found out, I called our team together, and I said to him, “I heard that you told Sam Chand you’re the only professional around here. You’re demeaning the people on our team. Before you came, you’d never been on a church staff team. These people have built a great church, and they deserve your respect. I’m going to leave the room, and you need to reconcile with them. When I come back, it’ll be up to them if you have a job at Cornerstone or not.”

It’s not entirely accurate that I didn’t listen to advice, but I often made one of two errors: I listened to the wrong advice, or I didn’t listen to good advice. None of us has a perfect track record of filtering out the bad and keeping the good, but my consistent insecurity, punctuated by moments of frenzy, made me susceptible to too many bad choices regarding others’ advice.