Hindsight Sample

1. Remember that we’re in the people business. 

It’s too easy to believe that numbers determine our success and value as leaders. But no matter how big our churches grow, if the people closest to us don’t feel loved and encouraged—especially when they fail—we’ve missed the mark as God’s under-shepherds. The church isn’t a prison, and it’s not a corporation. It’s Christ’s body, and it can’t be healthy unless its leaders build up instead of tearing down. When I read the Gospels, I see Jesus stop to care for people again and again. He had the highest goal anyone has ever embraced, but His goal wasn’t numbers; it was people. It still is. 

2. Have the courage to look inside. 

When we aren’t honest about the open wounds we carry with us, every goal, every motive, and every relationship is adversely affected. I’m responsible for some of the hurts I’ve experienced, but I’m not responsible for others. No matter what the cause, I’m completely responsible for how I deal with them. In my pain, I was convinced that expressing any tender emotions made me look vulnerable, and I wasn’t willing to let that happen. I hid my compassion behind a rough exterior because I didn’t want anyone to think I was weak.

3. Ask God to make His love more real to you than the pain of your past. 

You can’t will your way out of this destructive pattern of behavior. You have to be melted in the warmth of God’s affection and then remolded by the power of the Spirit. I believe God delights to answer this prayer.

4. Learn new scripts. 

We’re creatures of habit. We react to similar situations in the same way, time after time. We say the same things to the same people over and over. Take a few minutes to think about the past week, and write down the situations in which you were harsh and demanding. How did you feel? What did you say? How did you affect the people you addressed? Now, write a new script for what you wish you’d said each time—a message that may be just as true but that is full of grace, hope, and love. Keep that piece of paper with you. Before you go home to your family or walk into your next meeting, read the script and choose those words. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you react. This exercise may change your life and your close relationships.