Thrive: Building Stronger Marriages . . . TogetherSample

A Safe Place

What does it mean to feel safe? It’s a question that usually evokes thoughts of personal safety—seatbelts, door locks, maybe even an alarm system. But what about safety on an emotional level? What does it mean to feel safe when asking your husband for help with the kids? What does it mean to feel safe when asking your wife why she seems more on edge than usual? 

The freedom to share emotions is a vital element of a thriving marriage. When your marriage is at a place where you can be completely honest and open about your hopes, dreams, fears, hurts, and joys, it nurtures satisfying communication, effective conflict resolution, and greater stability. But without a sense of safety, the emotional connection necessary for the best of marriages is impossible. 

Here’s the bottom line: In order to have a thriving marriage, you must become a safe spouse. 

Consider: Would you turn to your spouse for emotional support if you didn’t feel safe? Neither would your spouse. 

You can learn methods of effective communication or creative ideas to improve marital intimacy, but without safety, you’ll remain emotionally disconnected. In a safe marriage, both spouses are seen, heard, and valued. 

If you don’t feel valued and protected by those around you, you’ll keep your guard up. You’ll cope—you’ll find ways to work and play with those in your life. But that’s no way to live. Why cope when you can thrive? 

First Corinthians 13 is likely the most frequently read Scripture at wedding ceremonies. It describes the kind of true love that is the foundation of a safe marriage: 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4–7) 

The apostle Paul originally wrote those words in a letter to the disgruntled members of a community struggling to achieve unity. But the principles apply to any kind of relationship—especially marriage. In fact, loving the way Paul describes will create a safe environment that nurtures emotional intimacy.