Marriage MattersIhe Atụ

Teammates for Life

When we marry, we become teammates for life. That sounds so simple. Then why do so many marriages end up in divorce? There are marriage myths that most don’t realize come with being a teammate.

One of the first myths of marriage is that we all go into marriage expecting the exact same things from marriage. As lifelong teammates, the goal of loving “until death do you part” might be the common vision and plan, but the day to day strategies to get to that vision might vary widely. We all enter marriage with unspoken rules, varying shades of expectations, and unconscious role fulfillment that we bring from our past experiences or our perceptions. 

Teammates for life must talk to get on the same page for conflict resolution. This important communication can happen either before or after an identified conflict. We each bring our past cultures and experiences into our marriages. New marriage partners/teammates would want to blend the BEST of both to come up with their own new culture and vision. Two are better than one as they have twice the experience and wisdom. It is not “his way” or “her way” but the new “our way.”

Another marriage myth that undermines teammates is that once they marry, everything will get better. Actually, merging two individuals into a common household brings many challenges. Every marriage is filled with trade-offs. This most difficult trade-off is the loss of the ideal image of your partner. We cannot know everything about our spouses before we marry them. Love will be difficult on its way to becoming deep and lasting.

It is also a myth of marriage that everything that is bad will disappear with marriage. Getting married does not fix our personal past pains. Ignoring them doesn’t fix them either. Marriage is not a cure-all for problems, but with time, it can become an agent for greater healing. The myth that your spouse will make you whole is a lie. Marriage is a God-given way to improve, sharpen, and challenge each other to new heights of personal living. However, neither marriage nor your partner can make you whole. This is individual work. Your team and marriage relationship can only be as healthy as each individual teammate. That is why exploring your well-being as an individual, as well as a teammate, is vital for enduring a life-long love as partners and teammates.

Being on the same team doesn’t mean that we can’t fight, but the real fight is with our enemy that seeks to destroy our marriages and all that is good. When we come in agreement that there will always be a destructive force contending for our marriages and our homes, as teammates we can then identify the real enemy and know where the real battle is. This daily battle starts on our knees.

Ponder:

What are some ways I can be a better teammate? How can I seek a greater personal wholeness so that I can contribute to my marriage from that wholeness and strength?

Prayer:

Lord help me find my wholeness in You alone so that I can be a better teammate to my spouse. I need all of You in all of me to do so.