The Enneagram for Teensنموونە

Using the Enneagram

Imagine we are on a hiking trail. We have a backpack full of snacks, supplies, and anything we could need to have a safe and successful trek. We look around and appreciate God’s creation and everything he made for us to enjoy.

Now, think of the Enneagram as your backpack full of helpful insights that allow you to see yourself as God’s wonderful creation. Your journey along life’s path will have fewer injuries and heartaches because you are a little more prepared than you would be without your backpack. When a friend joins you on the trail, you’ll know how to best walk with them. If a family member joins you, the same will be true. You’ll feel equipped for the expedition ahead, and when something unexpected happens, you’ll understand your reaction or response better.

Keep in mind, the Enneagram is not a game of MASH that dictates your future; it is a tool that can help you navigate some things using self-reflection and empathy. For me, the Enneagram dramatically improved my communication with family, friends, strangers, etc. It taught me the importance of speaking to each person’s preferred communication style so we can have effective conflict resolution. In that process, I learned there is no right way to communicate, just a peaceful way, which is doing our best to understand where the other person is coming from.

When you discover your type or the types of those around you, there’s something extremely important to note. It should never be used to shame or blame anyone, including yourself. I feel like I should say that again. It should never be used to shame or blame anyone, including yourself. What do I mean by that? Because we will discover some of the deepest heart longings and motivators behind the types, it’s easy to blame some behaviors on simply being that type. For example: “I have to unload the dishwasher you just loaded because I’m a One and I like things done a certain way.”

In reality, this isn’t a behavior that should be explained away or ignored. Instead, you should take time to understand why you feel compelled to redo what has already been done and work to establish a healthier mindset (psst, your type can help you do that!).

It’s also easy to shame others for some stereotypical behaviors of their type, and that’s not okay either. For example: “You’re such an Eight. You just can’t keep your opinion to yourself.” First of all, rude. Second of all, even if making their thoughts known is a common behavior for that type, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to make someone feel bad about it.

The other guideline when it comes to sharing this tool with the people around you is that it’s important not to “type” other people. Meaning, when you’re talking about the Enneagram with someone who doesn’t know much about it yet, do not assign them a type based on the behaviors you observe. For example: “You love reading and you’re an introvert, so you must be a Five!” You can make an educated guess for yourself, and they may be that type, but projecting your assumptions onto them can be confusing. The best way you can support them in their journey is by allowing them to discover what type they believe feels most true for themselves.

As you discover the Enneagram types of those around you, always remember people are doing the best they can with the tools they have. As an Enneagram coach, my job is to put more tools in your hands so you are best equipped for your journey ahead. Backpack? Check! Map? Check! Shoes? Check!