Cut the Criticism and Cultivate Companionship in Your Marriageনমুনা

How does being critical of myself affect my marriage?

When you live in a state of constant dissatisfaction with yourself, self-sabotaging tendencies usually come along with that dissatisfaction. It creates difficulty for those around you to love you well. Your self-criticism actually hurts your marriage.

When criticizing ourselves becomes an obsession, we will see a strong desire for control in our lives and our relationships. Our desire for perfection will lead to trying to control people and circumstances. When you constantly expect perfection from yourself, you also begin to set unrealistic expectations for those around you.

Suddenly you don’t enjoy the things you used to, and you don’t find satisfaction in the people around you. Now, while we know that true joy comes from our Heavenly Father, we also see in Genesis 2 that God didn’t intend for us to function alone here on earth and so He made Adam a wife, Eve.

Living in constant judgment of yourself will put you on the defensive and hold you back from being fully vulnerable and transparent with your spouse. God has better for your marriage, and it starts with believing who He says you are, realizing that your strengths and weaknesses aren’t a product of your own doing but of the gracious goodness of God, and that destructive criticism of yourself can be just as dangerous to your marriage as the criticism of others.

Reflect on Ephesians 2:8: “by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” Knowing that through Christ God has made a way to be made new in Him frees us from any need to earn our way or prove ourselves. We cannot attain perfection. Instead of unrealistic expectations, we can expect that we will daily be in need of God’s mercy and grace. From that awareness, we can gratefully receive, then freely extend, grace.

Prayer: Lord, I am my own worst critic and it is wreaking havoc on my relationships. Would you intervene and help me to see myself the way you see me? Help me to receive your grace with the humble awareness of my need for it. Help me to offer grace when I’m less than perfect, and help me to set expectations of myself and others that align with your Word.