Cut the Criticism and Cultivate Companionship in Your Marriageনমুনা

Why does it matter?

Destructive criticism doesn’t leave space for love and grace to be heard or felt. Without loving and graceful exchange, criticism can leave a person feeling defeated and hopeless. That’s not the atmosphere we want to create in our marriages.

Adopting characteristics that reflect God’s character is a way to honor God and love our spouse well. The way Colossians 3 says it is, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you.” We want our husband or wife to feel comfortable with us. If they are concerned that their every breath or decision will be judged or criticized, we are robbing our marriage of the intimacy and companionship that make marriage awesome.

When Christ walked the earth, He met people in the messiest of situations, acknowledged their part in it and encouraged them to leave behind whatever it was that was entangling them.

He cared so much about the heart of a person that when He encountered His followers in desperate situations, He often addressed them first with a question. I don’t think this was because He needed an answer or was unsure how they felt, but because He needed them to acknowledge how they felt and where their heart was. The heart of a person fuels their words and actions. Overly critical people aren’t simply working through a word problem, but a heart problem. That matters.

My husband and I had a tough season when I wasn’t looking for the best in him. I was constantly frustrated with him, and it took him speaking up for me to realize it was because of my inner monologue of criticism toward him. In that season, we lacked companionship. I can’t help but believe that my critical spirit was drowning out God’s gentle, loving, patient and faithful spirit in my life and was causing some of the disconnect we were living in.

A critical spirit doesn’t leave room for the fruits of His Spirit to take root in our lives. We can’t extend love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control if we are using our energy to criticize and tear down those around us.

Prayer: Loving Father, you are so kind. Help us to be kind. You are so patient. Help us to be patient. My prayer is that your fruits are alive in my life. Please help me to value your fruits and see how they grow and benefit my relationships. Help me to communicate in a way that isn’t destructive but encourages and connects me with my spouse.