Praying Through Miscarriageনমুনা

  

TRUTH

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” Proverbs 13:12

“When I look around I get distressed, when I look inside I get depressed, but when I look to Jesus I get blessed” 

Dear Jesus, as you know, I’ve just experienced my third miscarriage. I figured out early on why losing a baby while in your womb is called “miscarriage”, it’s because you miss carrying that little one inside of you. Oh, Lord, why doesn’t it get any easier? But, today is not a day to be sad, but to reflect on what I’ve gained. 

I’ve had some losses and I’ve had some gains. I’d say that my losses have counted for my gain, because with each loss I’ve experienced, I’ve gained truth. The truth of how much my sweet Abba Father loves me. With each loss I’ve literally been cradled by the powerful arms of you, my most Heavenly Father. What a wonderful gain in my spiritual journey. When I cuddle with my 4-year-old at bedtime and he says to me in his sweet little voice, “I love your heart, Jesus’ heart, and everybody’s heart” and we close our eyes together and I listen to his precious bedtime prayer, I’ve experienced a gain. When my two-year-old giggles with little hands over her mouth and runs joyfully around the house singing “Jesus loves me”, I’ve experienced a gain. When the four of us romp around on the floor, I can so vividly imagine what our three precious children in heaven are doing- romping around the feet of Jesus. I picture them with golden brown hair and big blue eyes just like their big brother and big sister, I’ve experienced a gain.

When all is said and done, Lord, I know that one day the seven of us will be reunited in heaven. Some picture a mother, a father, a grandparent, or a best friend waiting for them at heaven’s gate. I’m not sure if I’ll have any of those waiting for me. I do know that I’ll have three small children, whom I’ve only seen with the eyes of my heart, waiting for me. I will for the first time feel their embrace and the aching in my arms will cease, and once again I will have experienced a gain.

“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely.” 1 Cor 13:12

*I should add that the Lord blessed us with a third child shortly after this third miscarriage.