Praying Through Miscarriageনমুনা

  

COMPASSION

“My beginnings may seem humble so prosperous my future shall be.” Job 8:5

Dear Jesus, it is late and I can’t sleep. The war I am battling inside me now began with the miscarriage of my second child. Now I am the mother of two but have never seen or touched their faces. I’ve had it easy, I guess, as a mom. I haven’t had dirty diapers or middle of the night feedings. Lord, you know and I know I’d rather be dealing with the latter. 

I am thankful these two precious lives will never have to experience the pain of sin or the burden of a fallen world. They are my “sheltered children” away from the harm and destruction of this world. They are nestled in the Your heavenly places, in your wonderful kingdom as young lambs without a tear, worry, or pain. They’ll never have to battle the flesh or doubt there is a God. They know more about you then I’ll ever know here on earth. I have a dream that someday when I die and go to heaven, I will finally hear their voices cry “momma”. For now, I just listen to my heart cry. 

Lord, I won’t try and understand why my prayer to nurture and raise these two children were not answered. My faith is strong enough to be still and silent and to keep on trusting. You are showing me that Your grace is more sufficient in me than I realize.

Father, the world will try and tell me that these two babies don’t count. But, I know the world is wrong. Someday, when you do decide to give me children, and I tell people the number of children I have, they will not be included because that’s too awkward. These two-precious lives counted enough to be taken back to heaven to be with the King of the Universe whose compassion on them is far greater than anyone here on earth. 

“’I know the plans I have for you”, says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you”, says the Lord.’” JER 29:11-14a