Lapho Umshado Uba nzimaIsampula

Rather than focusing on the faults of your spouse, focus on what he or she does well. Let your words reflect an awareness of their strengths, gifts and contributions to your relationship and home. You’ll be amazed at how your spouse will seek to do even more positive things in your presence when you point out the good, and not the bad. Affirmation goes a long way toward creating an atmosphere of acceptance and mutual affection. 

And if giving the benefit of the doubt isn’t the way you naturally roll, you may want to consider how many faults you’ve brought to the table as well. Showing grace to each other in your marriage relationship rests on the foundational truth that marriage is comprised of two imperfect people seeking to live in harmony and grace. Faults abound, yes. In everyone. But they do not need to dominate your thoughts, conversations or influence your actions. If the fault is at a level that needs to be addressed for the sake of the relationship, address it. But express your disappointments in a spirit that shows honor. Be mindful not to criticize the person while bringing light to a behavior that brought you pain or concern. Then, once shared, seek a solution or approach toward improvement together. Once decided, move on. 

While these verses refer only to women, the principles in them transcend gender and can apply to both husbands or wives. They reveal to us the destructive nature of fault-finding to any marriage:

·  Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

·  A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm. Proverbs 27:15

An atmosphere of fault-finding will destroy the intimacy in any marriage, whether it comes from the wife or the husband – or both. If this is something you’ve experienced in your marriage, or do yourself, it is best to seek its removal entirely and look for ways to build each other up through what you think, say, and do.