Masturbation

Masturbation with porn (or playing through mental images) is something the Bible speaks clearly about. In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (NIV)

But what about masturbation without lust, i.e. masturbation while “taking every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5)? Here are four reasons why I decided to shut the door on masturbation in my life:

1. Masturbation teaches me that sex is self-serving. God’s design of sex was not created as something where people would take from each other (unfortunately, this is prevalent now, as the world’s way of sex has strayed far from God’s way). Rather, it was designed that a couple would give to one another—as an expression of their intimacy and love, rejoice in each other’s pleasure, enjoy sex together with no desire to look outside of each other for sex.
2. Masturbation teaches me that sex is a great escape from pain and negative feelings. If I turn to masturbation in times of loneliness, tiredness, boredom, sadness, stress, etc., it becomes easy to then form an addiction to it. You train your brain to believe that orgasms are an escape from pain and you create a neural pathway that tells you, Whenever you feel pain, there is an immediate and easy remedy.
3. I don’t like the aloneness that I feel afterward. God’s design of sex wasn’t intended so that the climax would immediately be followed by being alone. Sex was meant to be part of intimacy that was present before sex and would also be present after sex.
4. Masturbation feeds my sex drive. Because I am single and desiring to live following God’s instructions, I want to lull my sex drive to sleep. After my sex drive was woken up too early, it was so hard to master it. Is it possible to put back to sleep what was awakened in the wrong manner? Living as a single, how do I quiet my sex drive? The more you feed your sex drive (through watching sexualized media, fantasizing, masturbating, etc.), the hungrier you will feel. When my sex drive is lulled to sleep, I feel content instead of frustrated!

When I had an open door to masturbation, it was easy to turn to that when it was not necessary. It reinforced the issues mentioned above and didn't bring long-term happiness. Choosing to close the door to masturbation does not mean that you will sit trapped inside a closed room, frustrated and needy. No, when you close the door and turn around to look to the other side, you will see what was there all along—a wide open door—the heart of God. Wide open meadows, diving into the limitless depths of His heart for you, where you will find all that you need. “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places” (Psalm 16:6a NIV). You have set your "feet in a spacious place” (Psalm 31:8b NIV).

Talk with Jesus

• Am I feeding my sexual desire (through thoughts/memories/fantasy, sexually suggestive media, romantic stories, etc.)?
• Sexual desire may also become more intensified when the heart is lacking connectivity. Am I first and foremost connected to You? Secondly, who have You placed in my life as friends? How can I nurture my friendships in a way that provides mutual healthy connectivity?

Prayer: Your sexuality is not shameful; invite God into this part of your life too. We can tell Him:

God, my hormones feel like they’re raging right now. Quiet my hormones so that I would not burn with lust. I trust You. Paul said that being single was wonderful; that in singleness a person's affections could be fully Yours (1 Cor 7:35). But also, You designed the concept of marriage and sex, and You said that it was good.

In my singleness, may my desire to know You as my First Love remain throughout my life regardless of relationship status. Let it be so. Bring me deeper. And if Your plan is marriage for me, help me to be postured for that, in Your perfect timing.

Thank God for His perfect design. He designed your sexuality—it is not sinful. He knew that you would have “x” number of years in singleness. He is not surprised by this; therefore, He has a way for you to be able to walk it out!