Always We Begin Again By Leeana TankersleyÀpẹrẹ

Day Five

The Messy Middle

Scripture: 1 John 3:20

Are you in a Messy Middle? You know, one of those protracted, unresolved, uncertain seasons of life. You are not at the beginning, but you are nowhere near closure either. And the middle stretches on indefinitely. It tries your stamina, your faith, your belief in yourself, and all you want to do is hold your breath until it’s all over. 

I think we assume that life will begin again when we are out of the Messy Middle. But I’m learning that it’s precisely there in the Messy Middle that we need the brave practice of beginning again.

Life rarely finds that elusive equilibrium we’re all waiting for. We have to do the living in the midst of the mess. So I am grateful—now more than ever, here in a Messy Middle in my own life—for the grace of beginning again, which reminds me that God’s mercies are new every morning, he is faithful, and he is always, always reaching toward me. 

Whatever Messy Middle you’re in today, I understand the urgent temptation to push through the process, grasp for control and certainty, and resist the invitation to be still. It doesn’t matter if the Messy Middle is financial or relational or professional or physical, the interminableness is exhausting and makes us edgy. 

Here’s what’s helping me:

• Taking life in 12-hour increments. 

• Welcoming all the crazy feelings. Instead of driving away all my frantic thoughts and judging myself for them, I make a point to welcome it all. That doesn’t mean I act on any of it. I just acknowledge all the ways that I want to jump forward, which seems to relieve some of the pressure. 

• Resisting the urge to make anything urgent.

• Remembering to be good to myself, like I would a friend.

• Beginning again. If I get too far ahead of myself, I recommit to the present. This moment. Now. Over and over again. This is what it means to give myself grace. 

Our Messy Middles don’t define us. Maybe if we can remember that truth, we can hang in a bit longer, commit to being still for another three seconds. And then another. And then another. 

Reflection: What Messy Middle are you currently navigating? Fill in the blank: I am tempted to believe that once ______________ is resolved, then I can go on living.

Prayer: God, I need your grace as I walk in darkness. Amen.