Living Life On Mission Àpẹrẹ

Win the friendship, not the argument

A life on mission, means being real and asking yourself questions about how you communicate, both with your words and, your body language. Have you ever had a time when you’ve been talking about God, or your own faith journey, and ended up in a debate that went nowhere? Maybe you presented all the right arguments or shared a personal testimony, but the person still refused to consider an alternate point of view. Perhaps, it’s made you feel like you want to give up on them. Have you considered that there is something more important at stake?

For every argument you win, it doesn’t mean you’ve won the person. In fact, quite the opposite is often true. A debated or strained conversation can end up causing a barrier or distance with the person and stop further discussion about God and faith. 1 Peter 3:15 tells us to give a reason why we believe, but to do that with gentleness and respect.

When a conversation turns into a debate, it sets up a ‘them and us’ pretense and puts people on the defensive. From that point on, everything you say requires a rebuttal. In a debate, most people prefer to be seen as right, rather than actually be right. This makes it hard for anything you say to cut through their defensiveness.

So, change tactics and avoid the debate. A nicer way to engage is to share experiences with each other. That means listening to each other’s stories. You can talk about situations where God has helped you and the changes that have happened in your life since knowing Him. Tell them of something that has happened to you and then ask if they would like to experience the same. You could even offer to pray for them. Even if they say no, you can leave the conversation having won the friendship rather than the argument.

Winning an argument can create tension in the friendship and can close the door to future opportunities to share in a more positive way. When you win the person, you will have many opportunities to disciple them as you continue to share your life with them. Perhaps you’re reminded of a time when an opportunity with someone didn’t go so well. Today might be that day where you could talk to God about that. Could you go back to the person to see if you can restore the relationship and reconnect again?