Day 5: Reconciliation requires forgiveness.

When pursuing being a peacemaker, we must understand biblical forgiveness. We cannot be reconciled to God without His forgiveness, and we cannot be reconciled to each other without extending and receiving forgiveness. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift to receive, but it’s really difficult to give. Some of us have been grievously harmed by others, which seems like an impossible expectation Jesus is placing on us. Oswald Chambers says, “When we are injured, we know that it is not possible, apart from God’s grace, for one human being to forgive another.” It is only with God that we can forgive.

How do you know if you are harboring unforgiveness toward someone? Usually, you will have silent distrust toward them, a sullen indifference, or feel agitated or restless when you’re around them. The Bible warns us that there are huge ramifications when we choose not to forgive. When we refuse to forgive, something is blocked in our relationship with the Father, and we cannot experience His love and forgiveness. We become distant from the Father.

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15, ESV). We see Jesus making it uncomfortably clear that if we cannot forgive others, there’s a severe disconnect to our faith. When we refuse to forgive, we give Satan an advantage in our lives to control our emotions and responses.

Our society has given us a wrong understanding of forgiveness. It will claim that certain offenses are unforgivable. Or that a specific person doesn’t deserve forgiveness. None of these beliefs are biblical. Look over this list and see which other false beliefs about forgiveness you may have mistakenly embraced:

1. Granting forgiveness is not pretending that something didn’t happen or that it didn’t hurt.

2. Granting forgiveness is not based on them fulfilling a condition. We cannot expect them to change to forgive.

3. Granting forgiveness is not only once. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’’’ (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV). This means we are to continue to forgive. This does not mean we are to continue to trust. Trust has been broken and needs to be restored over time.

4. Granting forgiveness is not trying to forget what happened. That may never happen on this side of heaven, but the less you relive it in your mind, the foggier the situation will become, and more healing can occur.

5. Granting forgiveness is not an emotion. It is an act of your will- an act of faith.

6. Granting forgiveness is not impossible. “I can’t forgive you” really means, “I’m not ready to forgive you” or “I won’t forgive you.” It's an attitude of the heart.

7. Granting forgiveness is not an automatic cure for hurt. God doesn’t want you to run away from your pain or disregard it, but to run to Him in it.

8. Granting forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook. When we try to keep someone “on the hook,” we assume a role that belongs only to God. Letting the offender “off your hook ”doesn’t mean he’s off God’s hook.

9. Granting forgiveness is not a process. When forgiveness is seen as a work in process, it seldom becomes a work in practice. The point of forgiveness is that it’s followed by a process of healing and restoration- not the other way around. When you forgive, then you can begin to truly be healed.

Reflect on these questions:

• What have been some of your wrong views of forgiveness?
• Is there someone you have been harboring unforgiveness?

Pray and ask God to renew your mind. Thank Him for all that He has forgiven you. Think about what you need to forgive others and ask God to lead you to surrender them to Him.