Take Heart, Military Wife: The Journey to a Heart That Reflects God’s CharacterНамуна

The Hardened Heart

“Do you have to go again?”

The question itself didn’t reveal the status of my heart, but my tone sure did. I couldn’t hide the anger, frustration, and bitterness in my voice when we learned my husband would be deploying again.

I wasn’t angry at him for obeying orders he didn’t choose, but I couldn’t stop the words. He was leaving our family for the second time in a year, and I felt abandoned and alone.

I tried to be positive, but another deployment so soon was asking too much of me. Our marriage would suffer. His relationship with our kids would suffer. I felt lost, and rather than seeking God in my heartache, I sat in my frustration and settled in. In a desperate attempt to protect myself from the pain, I hardened my heart.

We are groomed to be resilient when life throws a curve ball. But curve ball after curve ball wears us down. It all becomes too much.

When I consider my own hardened heart, I think of the story in Exodus: God hardened the heart of the pharaoh who refused to release the Israelites from captivity. Deeper into the story, the interaction between Moses and the pharaoh displays something significant. While God initially hardened pharaoh’s heart to set His freedom plan into motion, it was pharaoh himself who continued to harden his own heart toward God and the Israelites.

I have tearfully realized that I was the pharaoh in my own story. God had a purpose for this second deployment, and I was crossing my arms in bold defiance instead of trusting Him, and my heart had suffered.

The process of becoming calloused happens slowly and stealthily and is an open invitation for bitterness and anger to take root, causing a shift in character. Suddenly, we respond in hurtful ways, creating walls between us and those we love.

Take heart, military wife, God promises to protect and defend your heart. His grace and mercy can soften even a heart of stone; you only need to invite Him in.

Pray

Invite the Lord to reveal the hurt that has hardened your heart. As you sit in the pain, remember that God is able and faithful to redeem and restore any circumstance. Ask the Lord to help you soften your heart as you endure the trials of military life. You belong to the Lord, and He loves you.