Staying PowerНамуна

Day Five

Setting the Prisoner Free

Scripture: Luke 23:34; Ephesians 4:32; 1 John 1:9

Archibald Hart writes, “Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.” In marriage, hurt often involves closing down and building walls of resentment and unforgiveness when our spouse responds to a crisis differently than we do. Forgiveness requires giving up the resentment we feel for the omission or commission of something that hurts us. 

This is much more challenging when you’re married to someone who doesn’t seem to get why you can’t get over the pain you feel in response to a situation you never wanted and didn’t anticipate. Resentment can also arise when a couple experiences different modes of grieving. If you and your spouse have dissimilar ways of expressing your sorrow, one or both of you may assume that the other doesn’t care about what happened as much as you do. But grief is not a competition in strength or endurance or volume. 

When life hands us an unwanted surprise or unexpected challenge, it’s easy to point the finger at our spouse and find a reason to blame the person we’re closest to for not being involved enough, for not being caring and compassionate enough toward us, for not understanding our pain, or for running away (emotionally or physically). Our emotions get in the way. We sometimes hold grudges for long periods of time.

Lewis Smedes writes, “When we forgive we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us.” When we forgive our spouse for emotionally hurting us or for judging us because we respond to painful circumstances differently, we set the tone for a happier marriage. 

Forgiveness doesn’t negate the wrong done to you; it sets you free from bitterness and anger. Forgiveness allows you to move forward—out of the hurts of the past and toward a productive, joy-filled marriage. 

What benefits have you received as a result of forgiving your spouse quickly?